Dr. Mitts Diagnosis: Ankles Snapped

Poor Logan Couture. Never stood a chance. You know the real sad part about this? It was Couture’s birthday. Can’t make that shit up. You know when he woke up he was looking in the mirror saying “I’m the man. It’s my birthday. I’m gonna play a great game and get the game winning goal!”…wrong. Guess you forgot you were playing Datsyuk? Lucky for Couture, Datsyuk does this all the time so I guess it’s not that big of a deal. Just Datsyuk being Datsyuk, really.

I watched this video 5 times since I’ve started this post and it gets better every time. His ankles snapped so hard I think T Shives even felt that one.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. If I could trade mitts with anyone in the world it would 100% be Pavel Datsyuk. Can’t even begin to imagine the pleasure women feel when he puts those bad boys to work.

p.p.s If I was ever up 1-on-1 against Datsyuk I think I would just fall to the ground immediately. Seriously. Save myself the embarrassment and medical bills and just play dead.

Pope, Bro, Clean It Up

Pope, Bro, Clean It Up

So I guess the pope has a foot fetish? I’m not one to judge, but you’re the pope. Can’t go around sucking toe. Just a bad look. You’re the pope, anything you say or do is gonna make headlines. And these are prisoners! he’s literally licking prisoners toes cause easter is around the corner. He washed a dozen prisoners feet and chowed down. Disgusting.

Honestly, how pope is this though? When they’re not making national headlines for molesting little kids they’re making national headlines for cleaning prisoners toes with their tongue like a cat. Bizarre stuff. I don’t know I’m not religious so maybe this makes sense to other people but if I was the pope I would just walk around their cell block holding that dangling steaming lamp they always have and mumble some italian or some shit. No need to fuck their toes.

– Silky Mitts

Are The Penguins Fucking Kidding Me?

Are The Penguins Fucking Kidding Me?

They already have the best player in the league and they’ve won 13 games in a row. So naturally there’s only one logical move, pick up one of the best captains in the game. Well, one of the best black captains, at least. God damnit, the fucking Penguins. Such a shame too, I really liked Iginla and now I have to automatically hate his gizzards cause he plays for the cock sucking penguins.

As a Rangers fan, I realize how much this sucks, but at the same time I’ve seen this tactic blow up thousands of times. Rangers always sign a player that used to be great but when they sign them they are older than father time and have a nurse change their shit ridden diapers. Maybe the same will happen to the pens?

Probably not. With my luck they’ll knock out the rags in the first round, win the Stanley Cup and have a parade in new york.

What luck for Iginla too. Going from second-to-last in the West to 1st in the East. Lucky bastard. But at the same time he has to live in Pittsburgh, so, even trade I suppose.

– Silky Mitts

Note To Self: Do Not Ask Gucci Mane For A Picture

Note To Self: Do Not Ask Gucci Mane For A Picture

So Mr. Mane is back in legal trouble, this time smashing a bottle of champagne over a soldiers head when the soldier wanted a picture with the…artist? Now obviously it’s messed up he hit a soldier in the head with a bottle just for asking for a picture, but this has gotta be the soldiers fault here, right? Gucci already served 6 months in jail for assault in ’05, then he was charged with murder and the charges conveniently got dropped because of “lack of evidence” aka Gucci threatened to eat the judge’s family. Was it really a shocker that Gucci doesn’t want some honky snappin pictures in his grill piece while he’s trying to watch chicks with major daddy issues twerk? Bro, this is Gucci Mane, the man has a god damn ice cream cone tattooed to his face.

– Silky Mitts

Emma Watson Just Murdering the Sex Game

Sex. Game. Murdered.

There’s dominating life and then there’s dominating life. Hermione FTW

Flow God of the Week: Peter Mueller

Flow God of the Week: Peter Mueller

Center for the Florida Panthers. Not enough dressing in the world to cover all that lettuce. Gorgeous.

Your Favorite Website Is Finally Here

Welcome to Flow God. Your favorite blog you don’t even know yet. I realize blogs stopped being cool in 2007 but I made it cause fuck you, that’s why. This blog will (try to) be humorous, tell you about great beer you’ve never heard of, and just random shit in general. Stay tuned.

Always flowin’

– Silky Mitts

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