High School In Canada Centers Entire Core Curriculum On Ice Hockey

hockey school

Well fuck me. If this shit was around when I was in high school not only would I have been getting straight A’s but I probably would be teaching the damn class by the end of the first week. Such a great idea. I would make such a great teacher too. Math: What’s larger, the diameter of the earth or Bryzgolov’s 5-hole? Ethics: Would it be smarter to use Paul Bissonnette to stop a bath tub from leaking or an actual plug? Logic: If morphing for humans is physically impossible, how does Datsyuk transform the other team into traffic cones every got damn game?… These are just a couple examples.

Seriously though this idea is so money that my eyes are bleeding. Not just cause it’s hockey either. They should have more schools that tailor to people’s interest to help them learn more. A school that uses football to teach for those football lovers, a school that uses Harry Potter to still teach the basic core classes to kids who love those novels, a school centered around homosexuality for people who like to watch the Big Bang Theory. The list is endless.

– Silky Mitts

Original Link: CBCNews

p.s. Yes, if I was a teacher I would absolutely play the Mighty Ducks movies at least 3 times a day. If you don’t think that’s an amazing idea than you need to fill your pockets with lead weights and walk straight into the ocean.

Yo Pierre McGuire…You Just Got Facialed Bro.

Now I’m no fancy pants hockey announcer like this chode Pierre, but if I had to go on a hunch I would say trying to interview the captain of a team that just lost a game 7 in OT is probably the dumbest thing you can do. Couldn’t have been happier with Zetterberg’s reaction. Yo, Pierre, the man needs to console with his team after a heart breaking defeat. Get lost you fucking door knob.

– Silky Mitts

There’s No Way These Parents Are So Terrible They Would Shove Their Kid In A Dog Cage Strapped To The Back Of A Pickup Truck…Right?

So I already had a whole thing typed up about how degrading this must be for the girl. How it’s gotta be top 3 most embarrassing things in the entire world. I mean, you’re a human, locked inside a fucking dog cage, on the back of a moving pickup truck. Everyone can see you cramped into a cage that a small dog sleeps in.  But apparently the daughter requested that she be in the back of the truck for the ride. The parents claim that she wanted to ride…in a dog cage…in the back of a pickup truck… on the pennsylvania turnpike. Umm okay, sure thing. This girl requested to be shoved into a cage like I requested to be an unemployed blogger talking about useless news stories. This story just absolutely SCREAMS hick so loud I can hear the mothers dip spit spewing down her necks.

The best part about this story is in the video below when their grandmother says “these parents were just granting her request, they would never put her in any danger”. Ummmm newsflash honey, they just put their 10 year old daughter in a dog cage on the back of a pick up truck. What the hell is your definition of “danger”?

– Silky Mitts

Original Link: NY Post

p.s. So I just read the rest of the article and apparently the girl claimed she just wanted to be with her dog for the trip. IIIIIII kind of feel like an asshole. Cause there’s no greater bond between a human and a dog. I would gladly throw 3, 4, 500 cats in front of a speeding 18 wheeler just to talk to my dog on the phone.

Doesn’t Matter If You’re A Male, Female, Straight or Gay. The New Red Band Trailer With Jennifer Aniston Is A Must See.

Went from 6 to midnight in record time with this one. You know she”s 44 years old? Don’t even know how that’s possible.

(skip to 1:58 if you’re lazy. Like me.)

– Silky Mitts

Flow God of the week…playoff edition: Mats Zuccarello a.k.a the hobbit

Left winger for the New York Rangers. Flow as batshit insane as Zucci himself. Better get a complimentary plate of bread sticks with all that lettuce. This dude probably weighs 160 with 155 being straight from the top of his dome piece. Hobbit flow stealing the show.

– Silky Mitts

Debate As Old As Time: Poptarts vs. Toaster Strudels…Who Ya Got?

So the other day I was shopping and brought home toaster strudels and my roommate has the absolute gall to tell me that he thinks not only are pop tarts better, but toaster strudels suck. Are you kidding me bro? That’s honest to god psychopath killer talk. I’m not positive but I’m like 90% sure hitler preferred pop tarts too. If you choose pop tarts over toaster strudels you must own like 50 cats. At least. Toaster strudels have been and will forever be the superior breakfast food over poptarts. That’s not my opinion, it’s a fact. I mean like, it’s not even a close competition. Toaster Strudels over poptarts all day everyday. The people that like pop tarts over toaster strudels are probably the same people who like pepsi over coke. Just cuckoo looney talk. Now I’m not saying pop tarts are bad. Toast those bad boys up, throw some butter on that bitch and have an absolute field day on that pastry whore. I’m just saying toaster strudels are in a league of their own. Pop tarts are like the decently talented AA ball player while toaster strudels are Derek Jeter. Started at the very top, remained there, and will end there. Breakfast pastry 101.

So I ask the WordPress readers. Toaster Strudels vs. Pop Tarts…who ya got?

– Silky Mitts

p.s. If you have ever eaten or even considered eating an unfrosted pop tart you should immediately be sent to a mental institution for the rest of your life without a chance of release. Literally the craziest thing a single human being can do.

Another Day, Another Fast Food Incident Involving Glass In the Sandwich.

Not a week goes by that a story surfaces in the news about something wrong with fast food burgers. Not one week. People constantly complaining about their microwaved piece of processed meat that isn’t up to their standards. This time some gospel singer from Brooklyn was eating a chicken sandwich at McDonalds and bit into a shard of glass the size of a penny. Is this supposed to shock me? You ordered the chicken sandwich at a McD in Brooklyn. This ain’t a 5 star restaurant sweetie, it’s a shitty fast food joint that serves shitty food. People are always complaining about their fast food meat. Wah there’s glass in the sandwich, wahh there’s a mouse head in my drink, wahhhh there’s a beating heart on my burger. Grow up. Stop being so naive and start living in the real world. If a tiny piece of glass finds itself in your sandwich just pick it out, finish your meal, and count your blessings it wasn’t a human finger or something.

– Silky Mitts

Original Link: NY Post

p.s. The chicken sandwich? Really? People actually order the chicken from fast food places? Call me crazy but you couldn’t pay me enough to even touch a chicken burger, let alone eat it.

p.p.s. As nasty as fast food is, the Big Mac is the king of burgers. You could argue with me that there are better burgers but you’d be a liar. And I don’t argue with liars.

Spawn Of Satan Evicting Her 91 Year Old WW2 Veteran Grandfather Out Of His Own House That He Built.

I’ve read some messed up shit before, but this may take the cake for the most evil, sinister thing someone can do. You’re kicking him out of a house that he created. Like, he built it. Himself. He’s too old, where’s he supposed to go? Look at him, he’s, too old! Unreal anyone would do this to their own grandfather who served in WW2. This American fought in battle so people like this bitch can be free and eat bacon whenever they fucking want. How do you eat bacon and still have an urge to evict your grandfather? It’s fucking bacon. Chicks got a soul as dirty as Harriet Tubman’s grundle and heart as icey as the lakes in canada.

If I was this bro I would call over my old army buddies and go straight torture status. Only thing people as cold as her can understand. I’m talking like water-boarding, pealing her fingernails off, boring her with army stories. Hearing stories from your grandfather that you’ve already heard 40 billion times is so rough. If she’s able to get away with this I may have to take action myself. And when Silky Mitts takes action into his own hands, Silky Mitts gets the job done. That’s a promise.

– Silky Mitts


Original Link: ABC

p.s. Cool it with the gums, toots. Shit’s nasty.

Drunk Bro Scares Away An Elephant

Wow bro! You really showed that elephant! What an asshole. Elephants just tryin to get its graze on and this asshole has to scare him off. Don’t know what this guy was thinking. elephants have the greatest memories. Absolutely no chance this elephant is going to just let this go. No chance. This elephant’s going to widdle down a shiv starring at a picture of you every day until he feels it necessary to strike revenge. Kinda wish when the dude fell down the elephant just went over and stomped right on his dick. You wanna try to act cool and scare an innocent animal? Better be prepared to get your nuts obliterated by an elephants 200 pound foot.

– Silky Mitts


Watch Out Boston, Cause We Ain’t Stoppin.

Hen-rik! Shutout in game 6 and shutout in game 7. The man is out of his god damn mind. Never have I felt that comfortable during any Rangers playoff game. Ever. Before the game started my heart beat was so fast it made a humming bird’s pulse look flat lined. NYR really stepped their game up. Great shifts from every line. So now it’s on to the Bruins. They’re a great team and the ending to their game 7 was absolutely unreal. Gonna be a great series. Boston, you were America’s team for a little while, and no non-Boston fan rooted harder for you than I did a couple weeks ago. But NHL playoffs are NHL playoffs. All bets are off. Let the games begin. LGR.

– Silky Mitts


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