NHL Ref Tim Peel Calls Out Diving Fanatic James Neal on Embellishment

This was so awesome to see. Everyone knows that hockey refs are better than refs in any other sport because of the player-ref relationship. In football the refs throw a flag if you fart to close to the QB. In the NBA you get T’d up if you stand too close to the refs. In soccer? Well in soccer refs get fucking beheaded if they make a bad call. Safe to say that relationship is a bit rocky. In hockey though, the ref will tell you to fuck yourself and get in the fucking box. You can yell back at him and he’ll just tell you to shut the fuck up, it’s great.

Now, James Neal is a fuck stain. Has been diving since before I was sucking on your mothers teet. He was a rat on the Penguins and it seems as if Crosby taught him the ropes of diving, crying and receiving anal. So good on Tim Peel to not let some divers dictate the game. Anytime anyone gets hit in the chest they throw their heads back in the air like they just got a bullet in the head, JFK style.

The Bruins scored about 8 seconds into the power play by the way. (But still lost the game. win-win-win)

– Silky Mitts

Chicago’s Turn to Unveil Their Stadium Series Jerseys….

Yesterday the Detroit Red Wings unveiled their winter classic, stadium series, whatever the fuck they’re calling their game, jerseys. I thought they were pretty cool. Saw a lot of mixed reviews but would say 60/40 didn’t like them. Those twitter eggs just like to critique everything for the sake of being a cynical asshole. They were simple with a new-agey logo of just the letter D, which is pretty retro in itself. Whatever, These Mitts are tired of talking about the Red Wings sweaters.

The Blackhawks usually always have phenomenal jerseys. Their regular ones are probably the nicest jerseys in sports and their past winter classic sweaters have been nice. There’s no point in writing a whole blog about how disgusting a jersey is, so let’s see how they top themselves this year…

 

 

 

 

 

 

CUlrvhDXAAAHtEE

UMMMMM WHAT?!?!?!?!

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Those are the most disgusting jerseys I’ve ever seen! They deserve their own blog to be written about them they’re so terrible. They look like jerseys you get at roller tourneys for free. Like they should have an advertisement from the local pizzeria on the bottom or youjizz.com or something. It’s like it’s boring and complicated at the same time. Sort of like literal vomit.

I feel like I would see some shit rapper wear this on stage because he got it at Lids on the low low. The fronts just basic but they make it shiny and they have the stripes being interrupted by their other logo, AND THAT COLLAR?!?!?! Can we talk about the collar? Looks like some fuckstick made half and said fuck it I’m going home. I’ve never been so irrationally angry at something that doesn’t concern me.

Overall score: 1.8/10

– Silky Mitts

Red Wings Unveil New Stadium Series Sweaters

Nothing gets Silky Mitts dick harder than new hockey teams revealing their sweaters. Doesn’t take much to get me solid, but in order of things that give me a boner it would be new hockey jerseys, good whiskey and Lundqvist. Oh, and whores. Whores get me going too. But I digress, let’s see what they look like…

 

 

 

 

Red Wimgs Sweater

Silky smooth! Love um! Kind of has that old school feel but the D logo on the front looks slick and fresh. Hope Datsyuk stays healthy cause I need to see him in this bad boy. Red Wings will be wearing these on February 27th against the Colorado Avalanche in Colorado for the Stadium Series match.

Not to nit pick but don’t really like the “Red Wings” on the collar, but everything else makes me dizzy from the blood rushing from my head to my penis so, not bad.

Overall: 8.2/10

– Silky Mitts

What do you think? Feel free to let me know in the comments so I can tell you why you’re wrong if you disagree with me.

NHL All-Star Game Changed to 3-on-3 Format. Here are Silky Mitts Best Team Lineup Combinations

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*Picture taken from NHL Hitz, one of the greatest games of all time*

So the NHL announced that this all star game will be a 3-on-3 mini playoff. Atlantic plays Metro for 20 minutes then Pacific plays Central. Winner of each game play each other for the championship. Pretty cool idea that will be fun for the fans. I have a feeling at least one goalie is going to get injured from facing so many repetitive odd man rushes, but whatever lines Bettmans pocket he’s gonna do.

Many line combinations are possible, and many people have their own opinion. But that’s just what it is, their opinion. Silky Mitts doesn’t give opinions he spits straight facts. Part of being the best. So instead of waiting I’ll tell you the best possible 3 on 3 (+ a goalie) scenario for each division.

Atlantic 

The 3: Stamkos (TBL), Eichel (BUF), Subban (MTL).

Goalie: Carey Price

V8Xgynoz

Notes: I know what you’re already going to say. Eichel’s good but he’s so young has so much to prove still yada yada yadda well that’s why my mitts are made of 100% pure columbian silk and yours are made of cement. Anyone with eyes can see that Eichel is one of the most entertaining players in the entire NHL right now and he’s been playing for the god damn Sabres. 99% of his goals are highlight reel goals, so putting him in 3 on 3 with Stammer and Subban is a no brainer. There are other options, sure, but they’re wrong.

Just Missed: Larkin (DET), Krejci (BOS), Silky Mitts (Free Agent)

Metropolitan

The 3: Ovechkin (WAS), Tavares (NYI), Yandle (NYR)

Goalie: Henrik Lundqvist (NYR)11195_content_Gotham-Magazine-Henrik-Lundqvist-3 *If you thought you were gonna get a hockey blog from Silky Mitts without seeing at least one Lundqvist picture you’re out of your mind*

Notes: Pretty solid team right here. I could have left all 3 players out and just put Hank in and I think at the very least the Metro win the tourney by about 3-4 goals. But honestly Ovie and Tavares together makes my computer shoot up cause I’m typing on my lap. Truthfully I don’t like Ovie and think he’s lazy but he’s such a pure goal scorer it’d be a sham to not have him in. Yandle is the perfect 3-on-3 defensemen (along with Subban and Karlsson) so his addition would make for some real excitement.

Just Missed: Zuccarello (NYR), Malkin (PIT), Cammalleri (NJD)

Central

The 3: Benn (DAL), Kane (CHI) Seguin (DAL)

Goalie: Pekka Rinne (NSH)

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*That’s Rinne btw. No shot anyone (including myself) would know who that was if you ran into him on the street but he’s holding a puppy in this picture so fuck you I’m using it*

This is probably the most difficult one. Central is sort of stacked. Sequin and Benn as of right now have already combined for 53 points. FIFTY-THREE FUCKING POINTS! Between two fucking people. And it’s only November fucking 19th. That’s the shit that makes me want to down a bottle of nyquil and see if I can JO before I fall asleep. It’s that insane. Kane is also a no brainer leading the league in points, goals and assists (I guess those rape allegations really got to um, uh?) There’s obviously others that are very deserving, but once again I don’t believe they’re as deserving as these 3. And if you read the top of the blog post you’d see I’m never wrong.

Also, anyone that thinks Reto Berra deserves the spot over Rinne probably has to type on a keyboard  with one finger at a time.

Just Missed: Klingberg (DAL), Panarin (CHI), Taresenko (STL)

Pacific

The 3: Toffoli (LAK), Gaudreau (CAL), Burns (SJS)

Goalie: Quick (LAK)

021414_quick

Notes: Gaudreau is another one of those players that’s electric to watch. And he’s still so young, lotta talent. Burns is another great defensemen for a 3-on-3 because of the beard and the offensive skill he possesses. But mostly the beard. Need it want it gotta have it. Quick’s pretty decent I guess.

Just missed: Hall (EDM), Pavelski (SJS), one of the Sedin twins, doesn’t matter which one (VAN).

– Silky Mitts

 

Have any feedback you want to dish at Sir Silky Mitts? Think you can make a better lineup? Well then you didn’t read the article cause mine was silky smooth. But comment anyways if you’d like.

Rangers Look To Take 2 In Pitt Tonight

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After beating the Penguins 3-2 in overtime last Friday night the blueshirts look to extend their series lead to 2 tonight in Pittsburgh at 7:30. If the Rangers play exactly like they did a couple days ago they have a prettay prettaaay good chance. Lundqvist played well and the line of Brassard-Zucc-Pouliot continued to be the best on the ice. Nash continues to do his best Terry Shiavo impression while Benoit Pouliot has 4 points in his last 2 games. Such an upside down world we’re living in right now. But hey if it gets them the W I ain’t complainin. If Nash remembers how to use his motor skills I think Rangers become a real scary team right now. They looked real good against the Pens, but if Rags happen to move on to next round they’re going to need to be MUCH better. Whether they play the Habs or B’s they gotta pick up their play.

Now I know this would never happen, but AV needs to start Talbot tonight. Nothing against Lundqvist, but playing in Pittsburgh tonight and then playing in New York in less than 24 hours is too strenuous on goalies. Hanks been great, but he should watch from the bench tonight. Tell him it has nothing to do with his play, just rest for tomorrow. And I know it’s the playoffs, but guess what? Talbots been INCREDIBLE this year. I’m not just starting Talbot to rest Hank, it’s also to give us a good chance. He’s 12-6-1 with a .941 save percentage and 1.64 GAA. .941 Save Percentage!!! Not to mention a win over Chicago earlier this year where he was 20 seconds away from shutting them out. Those are absolutely remarkable numbers for a backup goalie. He also came in to relieve Hank against the Flyers and although only faced 5 shots he looked real good. I understand Hank is the go-to guy but all I’m saying is I wouldn’t hate it if Talbot started tonight.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. Best part hands down about last game was not only was Crosby held to 0 goals and 0 assists…he was a minus 3 on the night. On for every single Rangers goal. Should have given him the broadway hat that night.

Brain Dead Female Reporter Asks Patrick Kane If Last Night Was His First OT Game Winner…

Probably should have just left the “female” part out of the title, since it’s a given. That was asked by Peggy Kusinski and this seriously this has to got be 100% the dumbest question I have ever heard. Has Kane scored any OT goals? G toots lemme think…

I guess maybe she thought since that goal was to win the STANLEY CUP that it didn’t count? This woman should be stripped of her title as a journalist and as a human. can’t be havin a bunch of chicken heads runnin amok in hockey locker rooms asking questions a 2 year old knows. Maybe she should ask if he beats up cab drivers too? Or if he goes to colleges around the nation and makes every whores wet dream come true? I understand it’s not this womans fault since I’m assuming her IQ falls somewhere in between Terry Shiavo and a light post. But you just can’t be doin this shit. Not now. Not during the playoffs. Clean it up, shut it down.

– Silky Mitts

UPDATE: I guess it was a joke?

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peggy 1

oooooo you were being sarcastic! lol! That was a good one! Get the fuck outta here with that shit. I may be dumb but I’m not an idiot. Don’t spit on my dick and tell me it’s raining. You fucked up and instead of manning owning up to the fuck up you’re trying to cover your tracks. Absolutely erroneous.

p.s. NBC-5 Sports. Your reporter Peggy…woof…

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@fgsilkymitts

Kaner Does It Again.

(vine made by @JFeitelberg from barstoolsports.com)

Is it just me or does it seem like every time the Blackhawks win a playoff game in OT it’s scored by Patrick Kane? I swear to god this kid is so talented it makes my head hurt. He’s won a silver medal in the olympics, got the game winning Stanley Cup goal against Philly a couple years ago, had this double OT series winning goal last year that included the top 3 nicest cellys ever…

oh and for those of you counting at home he’s 25. Which makes me want to rock my head through a cement wall. Say what you want about how he doesn’t show during the olympics (he really reaaaaaally didn’t show at all this past olympics) but during the NHL he comes through every single time you need him. Pure talent from head to toe. What a game, gonna make a great finish to the series.

– Silky Mitts

@fgsilkymitts

Rangers Take It To Philly, Get 2-1 Series Lead

View image on Twitter

All around great game. The beginning was very reminiscent of game 2 when they went up 2-0 and let the Flyers get a quick one before the end of the 1st period. Was getting kind of nervous, especially since the game was in Philly. However the absolute ROCKET of a clapper from Girardi made me blast my excitement through my pants. Once they took a 3-1 lead I felt much more comfortable. That and I was quite drunk at that point too. But the story of the game was none other than this man right here…

Carcillo

Dan Carcillo. Who’d a thought? Dude 100% played the best period of his life in the 3rd period of last nights game. Matt Read gave him a dirty cheap shot when he elbowed him in the face and got no call, but Carcillo didn’t miss a shift. Then a minute later Carcillo got called cause refs wanted to give the Flyers a chance to make a come back. Only excuse considering Carcillo didn’t touch anyone. And right out of the box Carcillo had a beaut of a tip in which resulted in one of the best celly’s these mitts have ever seen…

Huge, HUGE game on Friday. Rangers win and they go into the Garden with a chance to end the series. They lose and it becomes a best of 3 with 2 at home. Which, this season, hasn’t been all that great.  Let’s hope it’s the former and Rangers send Geezus* to the links early.

– Silky Mitts

*Calling Giroux “Geezus” is one of, if not the dumbest nickname in all of sports. 1) He’s canadian. 2) It doesn’t sound like Jesus. Wanna know the only similarity? They have two syllables. 3) He’s ginger. That probably should have been number 1.

p.s. That flow Carcillo’s rockin might have to be Flow of the Week.

 

 

Duncan Keith Chirps At Backes Saying “Wakey Wakey, Backes” After He Got Demolished.

Sooo in case you didn’t hear it or see it, St. Louis Blues player David Backes got his shit absolutely WRECKED by Brent Seabrook. Backes seemed to have as much brain function as a light post after he got hit and Chicago defenseman Duncan Keith chirped at him saying “wakey wakey”. Cause, you know, he got knocked the fuck out. And now apparently it’s causing a huge uproar. As a long time hockey player and fan, I truly have no clue what the fuck people are upset about. We’re not talking about the hit, we’re talking about the beaks on Keith. It was one of the funniest lines I’ve heard.

And what the most ridiculous part of this whole thing is that the same people who are angry about this must think that this was the dirtiest/scummiest thing that was said on the ice that day. FAR from it. The thing that players say on the ice to the opposition is unreal. Saying Wakey Wakey is the most PC thing that was probably said that day. The shit that I’ve heard in my day on the ice would make the average man vomit his gizzards out. One game I played in some dude told me he was going to skull fuck my mother and write a  book about it. And this was the 2nd game of the year in a Division 2 club hockey team that didn’t matter. I laughed my ass after that chirp because it was hilarious. I understand Wakey Wakey was probably not in good taste cause Backes could have been seriously injured, but the point remains the same…it was hilarious. And really, that’s what chirps are all about.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. One of the greatest Chirp videos out there. Very well done.

Well, That Sucked.

Absolutely brutal. Played a great first period and half of the 2nd and then just shit the bed. Rangers got 17 shots in the 2nd and couldn’t net one and the Flyers got 2. Emery got his shit together and played great. I love how Flyers fans react to Emery yesterday. After the first period social media was blowing up asking for Emery’s head. Saying how he is the worst post to post goalie and he blows. Send in the backup. Then he has 2 good periods and all of a sudden every fan is comparing him to Jonathan Quick’s Stanley Cup run in 2012. Hysterical. He lets in 6 goals in the first 4 periods and then finally blanks the Rangers for the last 2 periods and everyone calls him the greatest. Rangers have always and will always struggle to score in the post season. Don’t know why, just the way it is. Going up 2-0 heading in to Philly obviously would have been huge but at 1-1 stealing a game in that shit hole town is a must for the Rangers. The King has been kind of shakey (probably in part to not facing many shots and getting into a flow) and Nash has been awfully quiet. Tuesday at 8 is the next game and the Rangers absolutely cannot let this series slip away from them. The drunken inbreds will no doubt make a tough atmosphere for the Rangers to play in, but they gotta stay strong. LGR

– Silky Mitts

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