Daredevils Fly Their Jetpacks Right Alongside A Huge Airplane

*Finishes video, changes pants, fires up the blog machine*

That horrific stench you started smelling in the middle of the video wasn’t the smell of India, that was your pants after shitting yourself. These two dudes are like 10 feet away from a massive fucking airplane. I was waiting the whole video for them to fly a bit too close to an engine and got sucked in like Syndrome from Incredibles. Remember that dumb ginger cunt?

Syndrome

These two guys did exactly what he did and flew too close to the airplane but for some reason didn’t get sucked in. I start shaking sometimes when I’m walking up a flight of stairs at a sports game, can’t imagine what was going through these bro’s minds flying a god damn jet pack around the city of Dubai an inch from a massive plane.

Rangers’ Rick Nash Leaves Practice with Injury, Considered Day-to-Day

Rick Nash

Of course, this is bad. Anytime one of your franchise players goes down it’s bad.

Of course I would never want Nash out of the lineup.

Of course this is more negative than positive….

But maybe….

But maybeeeeee this for some reason will be exactly what Nasher needed? As of now he has 1 goal and 6 points through 12 games. 1 goal! And in case you didn’t see the goal, he got hooked on a breakaway trying to score into an empty net. Keenan Thompson from D2: Mighty Ducks could have scored that goal and he’s ….a goalie! So he managed to score without even scoring. Other than that he hasn’t put the puck in the back of the net. It’s hard for someone like him to not score even by accident. It’s an upper body injury which is never good, but considering he’s only day-to-day maybe sitting out a game or two and just sitting back and watching the game from a press box will help him out.

So maybe. Just maybeeeee a tiny little upper body injury to Mr. October No Show will do something to get his year started.

In case you didn’t get the reference…

Coincidence? I Think Not…

Top two trending on twitter…

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hmmmm

Kane SM

As you might know, Chicago Blackhawks superstar Patrick Kane has been involved in a sexual assault case that has been handled very carefully for the past couple months. Well today, the case was decided…

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NHL – Chicago Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane will not face charges for an incident at his house in Hamburg, N.Y., in August. 

Erie County District Attorney Frank A. Sedita III said in a statement Thursday: “The totality of the credible evidence — the proof — does not sufficiently substantiate the complainant’s allegation that she was raped by Patrick Kane and this so-called ‘case’ is rife with reasonable doubt. Accordingly the Office of the Erie County District Attorney will not present this matter to an Erie County Grand Jury.”

So while I’m not saying the two twitter trends of “Patrick Kane” and “#TheSuperHeroWeActuallyNeed” are related I’m also saying they aren’t not related. No doubt this is huge for Blackhawks and Chicago fans as they will not be missing their 3-time Stanley Cup Champion for any games this year, baring injury.

Interesting to see how the rest of the leagues fans handle this when Hawks come to town, considering…

How About This Bitch Who Filmed Some Guy In Philly Trying To Get His Mid Day Fap Sesh On A Bus?

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(Face of a man seconds after being caught jerkin it/seconds before he chokes a bitch)

(HuffPo) – Police in Philadelphia are waiting for a warrant to be approved after a man was filmed allegedly masturbating on a SEPTA bus. A Temple University Ph.D. student filmed the incident on her phone Friday, according to NBC Philadelphia. The student, who spoke with the station but did not want to be identified, said she was riding the Route 23 bus to class when she noticed a man next to her exposing himself.

It’s a timeless story, really. Man scratches his balls on the bus, scratches for a little too long, immediately starts fapping. I mean it’s incredibly disgusting that he did this shit on a bus in the middle of the day but don’t you think for one second that I’m not on his side. Not saying I would do it, but the reason I’m on his side is cause of the balls on this whore who decided to film him. Stop being such a righteous bitch and just get off the bus. Let my man do his thing. You can’t film him and then asked to not be identified. If you’re gonna put him in the public spotlight than you should be too. And how about these quotes…

Man – “Are you serious right now,” he asks. “I’m standing here the whole time. Why wouldn’t you just say something?”

Bitch – “Does someone need to tell you not to touch yourself in public on a bus,” the woman replies.

uhhhh yes toots. Of course someone needed to tell him not to touch himself. Why the fuck do you think he touched himself. Love how he just says “why wouldn’t you say something?” like he was hoping this complete stranger would have his back. Give him a little nudge. Be like “yo, dude, I’m not positive, but you probably shouldn’t start trying to rip the skin off your dick on a public bus in the middle of the day. Kinda a bad look”

– Silky Mitts

p.s. infinity percent chance the philly bus fapper is his guy

Dude Catches Rare Half Jewish,Half Goblin Shark

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(CNN) – We’re talking about a goblin shark — only the second member of his species ever caught in the Gulf of Mexico, and the first since 2000, shark expert John Carlson said. Carl Moore, 63, of Townsend, Georgia, was the unlikely archeologist of this ichthyological wonder, which he estimates was 18 to 20 feet long. He caught it on April 19, about halfway through an 18-day fishing trip. Carlson guesses it was closer to 15 feet, with the largest goblin shark ever measuring 18 feet. Moore decided an exact appraisal wasn’t in his best interest. “I was going to take the tape measure, then he flashed around again. I said, ‘Forget the measurement. That thing’ll eat me up!'”

Look at the shnoze on that thing!! This has got to be one of the ugliest/scariest demon things these mitts have ever seen. Look how scary that mug is. It’s cool I guess, not like I ever wanted to go to the beach ever again. It says it was caught in the Gulf of Mexico but I don’t give a shit. I don’t think I can ever go into a body of water again. Knowing that something like this is just swimming around has my trousers doused in piss. Looks like if a hammer head shark, a grizzly bear and my bank accountant had a demon offspring.

So I guess it’s no more oceans for Silky Mitts. No more bays, lakes, pools. Not even any more puddles. Regardless of where these things live if I avoid water all together I cut my chance of getting eaten by this thing to 0%. And even that’s a little much.

– Silky Mitts

Rangers Look To Take 2 In Pitt Tonight

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After beating the Penguins 3-2 in overtime last Friday night the blueshirts look to extend their series lead to 2 tonight in Pittsburgh at 7:30. If the Rangers play exactly like they did a couple days ago they have a prettay prettaaay good chance. Lundqvist played well and the line of Brassard-Zucc-Pouliot continued to be the best on the ice. Nash continues to do his best Terry Shiavo impression while Benoit Pouliot has 4 points in his last 2 games. Such an upside down world we’re living in right now. But hey if it gets them the W I ain’t complainin. If Nash remembers how to use his motor skills I think Rangers become a real scary team right now. They looked real good against the Pens, but if Rags happen to move on to next round they’re going to need to be MUCH better. Whether they play the Habs or B’s they gotta pick up their play.

Now I know this would never happen, but AV needs to start Talbot tonight. Nothing against Lundqvist, but playing in Pittsburgh tonight and then playing in New York in less than 24 hours is too strenuous on goalies. Hanks been great, but he should watch from the bench tonight. Tell him it has nothing to do with his play, just rest for tomorrow. And I know it’s the playoffs, but guess what? Talbots been INCREDIBLE this year. I’m not just starting Talbot to rest Hank, it’s also to give us a good chance. He’s 12-6-1 with a .941 save percentage and 1.64 GAA. .941 Save Percentage!!! Not to mention a win over Chicago earlier this year where he was 20 seconds away from shutting them out. Those are absolutely remarkable numbers for a backup goalie. He also came in to relieve Hank against the Flyers and although only faced 5 shots he looked real good. I understand Hank is the go-to guy but all I’m saying is I wouldn’t hate it if Talbot started tonight.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. Best part hands down about last game was not only was Crosby held to 0 goals and 0 assists…he was a minus 3 on the night. On for every single Rangers goal. Should have given him the broadway hat that night.

Brain Dead Female Reporter Asks Patrick Kane If Last Night Was His First OT Game Winner…

Probably should have just left the “female” part out of the title, since it’s a given. That was asked by Peggy Kusinski and this seriously this has to got be 100% the dumbest question I have ever heard. Has Kane scored any OT goals? G toots lemme think…

I guess maybe she thought since that goal was to win the STANLEY CUP that it didn’t count? This woman should be stripped of her title as a journalist and as a human. can’t be havin a bunch of chicken heads runnin amok in hockey locker rooms asking questions a 2 year old knows. Maybe she should ask if he beats up cab drivers too? Or if he goes to colleges around the nation and makes every whores wet dream come true? I understand it’s not this womans fault since I’m assuming her IQ falls somewhere in between Terry Shiavo and a light post. But you just can’t be doin this shit. Not now. Not during the playoffs. Clean it up, shut it down.

– Silky Mitts

UPDATE: I guess it was a joke?

peggy 2

peggy 1

oooooo you were being sarcastic! lol! That was a good one! Get the fuck outta here with that shit. I may be dumb but I’m not an idiot. Don’t spit on my dick and tell me it’s raining. You fucked up and instead of manning owning up to the fuck up you’re trying to cover your tracks. Absolutely erroneous.

p.s. NBC-5 Sports. Your reporter Peggy…woof…

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@fgsilkymitts

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