Dude Catches Rare Half Jewish,Half Goblin Shark

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(CNN) – We’re talking about a goblin shark — only the second member of his species ever caught in the Gulf of Mexico, and the first since 2000, shark expert John Carlson said. Carl Moore, 63, of Townsend, Georgia, was the unlikely archeologist of this ichthyological wonder, which he estimates was 18 to 20 feet long. He caught it on April 19, about halfway through an 18-day fishing trip. Carlson guesses it was closer to 15 feet, with the largest goblin shark ever measuring 18 feet. Moore decided an exact appraisal wasn’t in his best interest. “I was going to take the tape measure, then he flashed around again. I said, ‘Forget the measurement. That thing’ll eat me up!'”

Look at the shnoze on that thing!! This has got to be one of the ugliest/scariest demon things these mitts have ever seen. Look how scary that mug is. It’s cool I guess, not like I ever wanted to go to the beach ever again. It says it was caught in the Gulf of Mexico but I don’t give a shit. I don’t think I can ever go into a body of water again. Knowing that something like this is just swimming around has my trousers doused in piss. Looks like if a hammer head shark, a grizzly bear and my bank accountant had a demon offspring.

So I guess it’s no more oceans for Silky Mitts. No more bays, lakes, pools. Not even any more puddles. Regardless of where these things live if I avoid water all together I cut my chance of getting eaten by this thing to 0%. And even that’s a little much.

– Silky Mitts

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Power Move: Woman(?) Dresses Her Pet Anteaters In Human Clothes

 

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Where is your God now?!?! This seriously might be one of the most psychotic things I’ve seen in my life. I’m not talking about the anteaters dressed to the 9’s. I’m talking about that thing that dresses them. The article says it’s a woman? No shot that’s a woman. I’ve seen really ugly women before. Like vial, unfortunate looking hogs. I’ve woken up hungover next to them on occasion. But this isn’t one of them. This thing shows no indication of being a woman. And don’t give me this “long hair” shit. Hippie bros rocked that hair like it was their job back in the day. Not to mention that freshly shaved mustache is screaming at me through my computer screen.

Could you imagine walking down the road and seeing this thing walking down power ant eaters in sweaters? I would turn around and walk the other way so fast you’d think I just saw an ex-girlfriend. I’ve crossed the street when people are walking their dogs or I see 1 or more black people. No way in HELL I’m passing a crew of ant eaters and a bat shit insane man-woman-beast. Might as well pack my things and shake hands with the devil himself.

– Silky Mitts

Original Link: Barstool Sports

 

p.s. I’d be remiss if I didn’t include this picture. Everyone knows red leather makes the girls weak in their knees. Sucks for all the other bro ant eaters who will have to wait for this guys left overs.

EMERGENCY P.P.S: Realized who this woman looks EXACTLY like…

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Spitting image.

 

 

Near Extinct Baby Camel Born and is Cute as Shit

Rare Baby Camel Born in Budapest Zoo

(WebProNews): Critically endangered – possibly even extinct in the wild – the Bactrian camel is a rare species with two humps on its back and has served as a domestic pack animal since before 2500 BCE. But last Wednesday in the Budapest Zoo and Botanic Garden, a rare event occurred. A baby Bactrian camel was born. Baby Ilias was born to his 8-year old mother, Iris, whose maternal line has lived in the zoo for many generations. His father came from a zoo in Miskolc in north-eastern Hungary. Today, Ilias was presented to the media and given time to bond with his mother

I have two dogs, and they’re the best thing in my life. But if I can be honest the fact that I don’t have this Bactrian camel is KILLING me inside. This thing looks cuddly as fuck. I need this thing walking around my house. Seriously how have I gone this long without having this prehistoric camel taking shits in my backyard? I feel like a fucking idiot not having this late neolithic creature prantzing around. I could ride it to work sitting in between it’s two humps. Imagine the swarm of chicks someone would endure if caught riding a Bactrian camel. Take Gosling’s number and double it. Yeah, that many.

– Silky Mitts

STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND WATCH THIS BULLDOG PUPPY KISS THIS BABY!!

Call me what you want but this video had me laughing to myself. My heart legitimately hurt because of the fucking cuteness oozing out of my computer screen. Bulldog puppies are so underrated it makes me angry. Dogs and people have such an unbelievable bond it’s incredible. If I ever in my life, EVER, get remotely angry or sad about anything at all I’m going directly back to this video and I suggest you do too. Girlfriend break up with you? Go right to the video. Total your car, lose your house and get fired from your job? Look no further fella, this video is here waiting for you. Dogs, man.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. find me one video anywhere on the inter webs of a cat giving a newborn kisses and cuddling all over the place. you can’t. If a cat was in this video instead he would probably spend 10 years getting the kid to trust it and then on his 10th birthday the kid just passes out and dies. why? cause in the video the cat slipped a pill in the kids mouth that takes 10 years to kill. Fucking cats.

Original Link: Barstool Sports

Dog Needs To Be Comforted In Car Ride

God fucking damnit I love dogs. All this dog wants to do is hold hands with his owner. Love and fun, the only two things dogs know. I’m not even kidding when I say I would 110% switch my life with a dog if given the opportunity. Wake up whenever you want, shit where ever you want, get pet all day. Dogs are so perfect and awesome. When they hump people or things in public people laugh and smile, when I do it I’m “weird” or “an asshole”. All this dog wants is for his best friend to hold his hand while they go for a sunday drive. Need to find this dog.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. His name is Tom. Naming dogs people names could be complete hit or miss. Like Dan or Max would never work. But Tom? That’s such an unbelievable hit. Perfect. Keep doin you, Tom.

Today In “News That’s Awesome”, Shrek the Abandon Dog Gets Rescued and Saved.

So this little guy was abandon by a pond by spawn of satans and thankfully he was rescued by angels. I want to go on record saying anyone who mistreats dogs are scum of the earth. They’re as bad as murdering psychopaths, child abusers, or anyone from Philly. Thank God someone found Shrek before it was too late. I can barely even realize that that’s a dog, it’s insane. Looks like a rug. The after pictures of Shrek blew my mind. After 3 and a half hours of shaving his dreads off, here is what Shrek looks like now.

He’s slowly getting more comfortable with other dogs and people, which is incredible to hear. Give him one more week and he’ll be back sniffing other dogs assholes, licking his balls and then licking his owners face. Viva la dogs!

– Silky Mitts

Original Link: Huffington Post

Baby Sea Lion Cuddles Sailor Bro Who Let Him Chill On His Boat.

Question. How the hell have I gone this whole time without a pet baby sea lion? I feel legitimately foolish not having one. I’ve never needed anything more in my entire life than this cuddling baby sea lion.  The adventures we would go on would be ridiculous. Tag team of the century. Imagine all the pussy that dog owners get when they bring their puppy to the dog park. Now imagine bringing a sea lion and multiply that number by 5 billion. Fish in a barrel.

– Silky Mitts

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