Pineda Got Thrown Out For Putting Pine Tar On His Neck? How?

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I seriously don’t know what the ump saw here. How did he spot that little blot on his neck? Looks like waldo out there. I mean i’ve been staring at this picture for an hour now scratching my head wondering what the ump saw. I mean I understand this EXACT SAME PITCHER already was caught using pine tar on his hand and just wiped it off earlier this exact same year and the head umpires son even warned his dad tonight that he would be cheating and this game was on national television with over 100 HD cameras but seriously, how did he get caught?

In all seriousness though out of all the things in the world that people are bad at, the number one thing would be Pineda at cheating. It’s comical at this point. Like did he think he was being discrete? He would have had a better chance putting the pine tar on the umps neck and just asking for a hug after every single pitch. Maybe just bring an industrial size vat of pine tar out to the mound. I think people would be more hesitant to question you if you pulled a move like that. K a few more batters before they’re on to you. I legitimately think that would have been sneakier. Such a blatant disregard for human lifeĀ I almost respect it. Like if you’re gonna cheat, show the people you dont give a fuck. Whatever, what’s done is done. Dude should be cut from the team for just general lack of intelligence.

– Silky Mitts

Insipred By Joe Buck…Here Are Silky Mitts’ Top 5 People’s Faces That Need To Get Punched.

So I was watching some of the world series game today and they showed Joe Buck interviewing some guy and I just got this unbelievable urge to rock him in the face. Nothing he said or did, just…his face. Some people just have that face where you immediately think “This guy needs to get a fist delivered to their suck hole”. It’s not their fault, just the way they were born. Don’t really hate the Buckster, just something about that face. The point of this blog isn’t to say that Joe Buck is a bad announcer. He is. But that’s not the point. So now, without further Apu…

5. Nicholas Cage

I would be remiss if I did not include Mr. Cage on a list of people with douche bag faces. This is another example of people I don’t hate. Lot of people hate this guy and say he’s a terrible actor. Ummm guess those people have never seen Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence? Absolute fire movie (no pun intended but intended).

4. Matthew Perry

Probably should be number 1. Dude has a face that not even his own mother could love. I have no clue how this guy made it. He’s a shitty actor, so derpy it hurts, and has a face that makes my hand clinch without even realizing it.

p.s. nice middle finger in that second picture, bro. that shits disgusting. clean it up.

3. Donovan McNabb*

I’m a Giants fan, but even I got so angry when McNabb would smile after every single interception he threw. No clue why. I can only imagine how angry Eagles fans would get. He would throw legit pick 6’s and just smile and look over at Andy Reid like ‘I just threw my 3rd interception of the game. nothin else to do but crack a smile lol!’ what a putz.

*not a race thing. I once had a black friend, so it’s cool.

2. Joe Buck

Nice face, bro. Guarantee the second he popped out of his mother and she got a glimpse of his face she wishes he was just a blow job. Like that baby on Seinfeld who was so ugly Jerry couldn’t even look at it. Episode was probably based off Bucks birth. That shit eating grin needs to get smacked the fuck off

1. Pierre McGuire

Words cannot describe how badly he needs to be punched. I don’t care who does it. Don’t need to know. I would love to take a running start at him, cocking my fist just staring him in the eyes as he looks on very confused. He’d be asking me why I’m running at him, very confused, kind of scared, not moving, and I wouldn’t say a word. Just keep running. And then punch him so hard his glasses go through his head. I think if I did that people would hoist me in the air above his dumb body and chant my name. May even get the key to the city country.

– Silky Mitts

Honorable Mentions: Seth Green, Ryan Seacrest, Rex Ryan, James Franco (love um, but he’s gotta do somethin about that face), Daniel Tosh and Carlos Mencia.

Did I miss any? If there’s someone you think should be on the list let me know.

Are You Shitting Me? A Playing Card Sold For $2.1 Million.

Are You Shitting Me? A Playing Card Sold For $2.1 Million.

$2,105,770.50 for a piece of cardboard with a Pittsburgh Pirate on it. Not even someone from a winning franchise. It’s the fucking Pirates. I understand the hype and obsession around collectors items, it’s really cool when only 50 of something is in existence, but to get over 2 mil for it? Shit, I think I have a shiny Charazard card from pokemon somewhere in my attic. Can I become filthy rich for that? Better yet, if a Pittsburgh Pirate card can get Joe Shithead millions of dollars I have a Tim Couch rookie card on the Cleveland Browns to sell. Selling a piece of thin cardboard for 2 mil. Only in America.

Best part about this story is that the bro was already rich and a savvy investor. Why can’t some guy in debt who’s doing some spring cleaning find a rare card? Why can’t, say, a cynical blogger who gets jealous of the rich getting richer find a million dollar card? I’m not jealous. Just, you know. Fuck that guy.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. Snooped around my attic after reading this story. How many billions of dollars are Garbage Pale Kids cards worth now? 5 bill? 100 bill???

Yankees Lose First Two Games of Season, Everyone Loses Their Shit. Relax, We’re the Yankees.

Yankees Lose First Two Games of Season, Everyone Needs To Relax. We're the Yankees.

So the greatest franchise in the history of forever lost their first two games of the season to the shittiest franchise in the history of sports and everyone’s freaking out. Well Silky Mitts has a message for other Yankee fans: Relax. It’s two games in a 1,345,245 game season.

People keep forgetting one thing…we’re the god damn Yankees. I don’t care if you swapped out the whole team for a local Tee Ball squad, once you put on the pin stripes something amazing happens to you. Remember when Peter Parker got bit by the spider and felt all tingly and got super powers? Yeah, that’s what it’s like when you throw on the Yankee sweater except you don’t date ugly vampires like Kirsten Dunce, you smash 12 out of 10’s like Minka Kelly and Melanie Iglesias.

I understand people may be concerned but chill out. We got Pettitte on the mound tonight and if he throws anything short of a Perfect Game I would be utterly shocked. And when that’s written by Mitts like mine that ain’t no jinx. Best believe that. NYY

– Silky Mitts

p.s. Prediction…Cano gets a solo shot in the 5th and Wells goes 3-3. Book it.

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