Apparently Ball Hockey Is An Actual Thing…And The “Athletes” Lost Their Shit At The Championship Game.

(Scrap starts around 2:10)

I’ve never in my life seen anyone take their lives so seriously. It’s fucking ball hockey. No one cares bro. Relax.

In the 2013 ball hockey world championships Justin Pender goes full Hulk and has a rampage that ends with 2 injured Czechs, an official on a stretcher and something like 30 consecutive tweets which he’s trying to pass as an apology letter. Normally no one would say anything about cause it’s, ya know, ball hockey, only this guy plays in the ECHL so he’s somewhat known in the hockey community. Here’s a quick recap of what happened: Czech team puts in an empty net goal to take a 5-1 lead. The team then goes ape shit, jumping up onto the boards and what I only imagine is defined as “whyling out”. Pender then decideds to start cross czeching (cause fuck you, I make the puns) the nearest guy to him at the faceoff circle. The cross czechs go to full blown punches as hes landing hay-maker after hay-maker, tossing the man like an absolute ragdoll. The net minder for the Czech team then jumps on his own player. It looked like a scene outta The Office Beach Games when Dwight sumo jumped onto Andy. Anyways Pender continues his bro rage in front of a crowd filled with the players moms and dads. The ref somehow gets in the middle and goes down hard.

Moral of the story, don’t tell Pender that ball hockey’s for pussies.

-Fresh Twig

NASA Claims Mars Rover “Accidentally” Drew Penis On Mars. Yeah, Sure Thing NASA.

This picture has been floating around the internet the past couple days. NASA saying that the rover accidentally drew this and it wasn’t intentional. Fuck out of my face, NASA. Men have and will always draw penises any moment we’re given the chance. We’re just programmed to do so. Doesn’t matter if you’re 13 or 35 it will always be funny to draw penises no matter what. Whenever a dude gets some sort of canvas to draw a penis he’s going to draw it 1 billion times out of 1 billion. That’s not an opinion that’s a fact. This is the perfect example too. It’s not just the drunk college bro that draws penises in the snow with their piss, but it’s also brainiacs working for NASA that’ll carve that bad boy into another planet. To be perfectly honest I’m surprised it took this long to draw one on Mars. If I was in charge of the rover I would have mapped out a spot to draw a penis before the idea of the rover was even mentioned. Just too perfect an opportunity to let slip.

– Silky Mitts


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