Fat Shit Superfan Sues Derrick Rose Claiming His Absence Caused The Fan’s Depression And Fat-assness.

I’ve never been more on someone’s side than I am with this Chicago Bulls superfan. Some people are absolutely insane when it comes to sports. Some people don’t get it, but sports are like a religion. Actually, it’s more serious. Religion is a bunch of made up stories like hippies eating shrooms and seeing talking snakes or walking thousands of miles in the desert to deliver frankincense. Sports you’re born into. Sports are too real. You live and die for your teams. You invest years and lifetimes for it. Rose’s absence actually caused this fan to experience mental anguish, emotional stress, and gain a shit ton of weight. Basically, he gave up on life and became a slob. But guess what? It’s not his fault. This is America. And when the star player of your team misses all year you can sue him for all the depression it’s caused you. If Rangers goalie Lundqvist got injured right now and missed the rest of the season not only would I spiral into a crippling depression, but I’d probably lose all motor skills and forget how to breathe.

I would love for this guy to be a fan of Orlando Magic or Detroit Lions or Florida Panthers. Teams that have always and will always suck asshole. His team is in the playoffs without Rose and he’s still bitching. Buddy, some people are forced to be Toronto Maple Leafs fans. Do you know that some of their fans wear bags over their heads? They wear fucking paper bags, over their stupid heads. But you know what, they’d rather wear a paper bag than root for another team. That’s how crazy sports are. This bro won’t even kind of come close to winning this case and will probably result in further depression and weight gain, but, god speed sir. god speed.

– Silky Mitts


Original Link: Bleacher Report

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