How About This Bitch Who Filmed Some Guy In Philly Trying To Get His Mid Day Fap Sesh On A Bus?

(Face of a man seconds after being caught jerkin it/seconds before he chokes a bitch)

(HuffPo) – Police in Philadelphia are waiting for a warrant to be approved after a man was filmed allegedly masturbating on a SEPTA bus. A Temple University Ph.D. student filmed the incident on her phone Friday, according to NBC Philadelphia. The student, who spoke with the station but did not want to be identified, said she was riding the Route 23 bus to class when she noticed a man next to her exposing himself.

It’s a timeless story, really. Man scratches his balls on the bus, scratches for a little too long, immediately starts fapping. I mean it’s incredibly disgusting that he did this shit on a bus in the middle of the day but don’t you think for one second that I’m not on his side. Not saying I would do it, but the reason I’m on his side is cause of the balls on this whore who decided to film him. Stop being such a righteous bitch and just get off the bus. Let my man do his thing. You can’t film him and then asked to not be identified. If you’re gonna put him in the public spotlight than you should be too. And how about these quotes…

Man – “Are you serious right now,” he asks. “I’m standing here the whole time. Why wouldn’t you just say something?”

Bitch – “Does someone need to tell you not to touch yourself in public on a bus,” the woman replies.

uhhhh yes toots. Of course someone needed to tell him not to touch himself. Why the fuck do you think he touched himself. Love how he just says “why wouldn’t you say something?” like he was hoping this complete stranger would have his back. Give him a little nudge. Be like “yo, dude, I’m not positive, but you probably shouldn’t start trying to rip the skin off your dick on a public bus in the middle of the day. Kinda a bad look”

– Silky Mitts

p.s. infinity percent chance the philly bus fapper is his guy

Remember That Cop From UC Davis That Peppered Sprayed Those College Kids? He Just Got Awarded $38,000. Justice is Restored.


Listen, there are few things I hate in this world. People that choose cats over dogs, girls that aren’t 18 yet, and occupy hippie pussies. $38,000 might have been a bit much but at the same time it totally isn’t. Nothing makes my blood boil more than over privileged college hippies that feel the need to protest every little thing and act like the victim even though their parents pay for their college education. Shit drove me nuts when I was at school. My college cost so much yet these gay wads would set up little Occupy movements around our campus that no one gave a shit about. These kids have every option at their discretion, have the whole world in front of them, but they choose to hold flowers singing gay songs smelling like shit acting like the victim. All these occupy protestors are just bitching and complaining cause they want what others worked hard to achieve. The people who work on Wall Street are scum bags cause they spend a stupid amount of the companies money on absolutely ridiculous things* but guess what, they still worked their asses off to get there. They didn’t sit around in a little pow-ow crying with each other until they got what they wanted. Maybe next time instead of sitting on their asses thinking that holding a sign will change anything only to get a canister of pepper spray dumped on your cornea, they’ll put in some actual effort into getting good grades so they can have a good job.

– Silky Mitts

*I base this off of absolutely nothing.

Original Link: BarstoolU

Seton Hall University Basketball Coach To Start Season Off By Facing Kobayashi In A Hot Dog Eating Contest.



Fucking Seton Hall. You have terrible year, after terrible year, and then you go and do something stupid like this…and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELVES!  Seriously this is one of the greatest ideas I’ve ever heard since someone told me to put a chicken sandwich in between a McDouble (heart-stoppingly orgasmic. try now, thank later). I am in debt to that place, oh, I don’t know, bout $200,000 after spending four years of way too many fap sessions and writing useless papers about 18th century african american womens literature and I couldn’t be happier to see where my money is going. That school milked my family for everything we’re worth without ever giving anything back except a massive pile of debt, but to find out that our head coach is going to face the all time greatest hot dog eater, and everyones idol Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest, is so tits. Nothing and I mean NOTHING would pump my nads and get me excited for college basketball more than seeing that japanese hot dog vacuum suck down watered hot dogs. I wonder how much it cost to get the sensation there. SHU was such tight butthole with their money. Over charged the food, shut the library lights off at like 5 o clock during the week. For a catholic university they were the most jewish school I knew. But now I know why they were saving all that money this whole time.

Every team in the Big East is probably reviewing tapes of the new teams that are coming into the division, thinking that will help them win. haha. Fat chance. You keep wasting time trying to figure out Butler and Xavier’s defense, we’ll watch a grown man eat 50 hot dogs in 5 minutes. After this I seriously don’t think Seton Hall will lose a game all year, if ever. SHU!

– SIlky Mitts

Original Link: USA Today

Auburn University Training Dogs To Detect Bombs From Several Football Fields Away Cause Dogs Are Awesome.

God damnit dogs are so awesome. If you’re away from them for 2 seconds they miss you like you’ve been gone for 10 years. They’ll do anything as long as it makes us happy. If you ask them to protect an entire country they’ll do it with ease, no questions asked. They’ll find a terrorist in a room of a million people, take them down, save the world, and then ask to play fetch with you. And they do it all for your love and a belly rub. Truly inspiring. Only problem with what Auburn U is doing is that they’re training the dogs to follow the bombers and then sit by them to inform the humans who the bomber is. What they should be training them to do is find the bomber and then have the dog bite them right in the dick. You wanna fuck with America and the great people here you better be ready to sacrifice your only source of manhood, you fucking pussy. Dogs FTW! Freedom FTW! America FTW!!!

– Silky Mitts


p.s. While dogs are being trained to sniff out bombs from terrorists to protect America and freedom I can guarantee you that cats are training terrorists as we speak. Fucking cats.

Yale vs. Quinnipiac In Men’s NCAA Ice Hockey Championship. Who ya got?

If you asked me at the beginning of the year who would be in the championship do you think I would have said Yale and Quinnipiac? Yeah, actually, I probably would have. But that’s because I have a brilliant hockey mind. Regardless this game on saturday is going to amazing. I like that schools like these two are battling it out. I grew up always watching Michigan, North Dakota, BC, BU and etc always always always playing in the ship. Don’t get me wrong, it was great watching them, but it’s nice when two schools you don’t see or hear much make it this far. I know Quinnipiac is ranked #1 but the media would rather talk about Lebron’s latest tweet instead of talking about how two schools less than 10 miles away from each other are grinding it out in the greatest sport.

My question to you is who do you think will win? I’ll be rooting for Quinnipiac, which means they’ll most likely win. Quinnipiac vs. Yale. Bobcats vs. Bulldogs. Battle of Connecticut. Who ya got?

– Silky Mitts


McDonalds Now Requiring CASHIERS To Have Bachelors Degree…This is 100% Serious.

McDonalds Now Requiring CASHIERS To Have Bachelors Degree...This is 100% Serious.

This is not an Onion article. McDonalds, the fast food chain, is now only hiring cashiers that have a bachelors degree. To be a fucking cashier. Who the fuck would work at McDonalds if they have a bachelors degree? Not even an Associates degree. You have to go to college for four god damn years to be considered to ask if an overweight asshole would like fries with their meal. Bizzare stuff from the Golden Arches.

You know what?…As I’m writing this I’m totally flipping sides on this topic. Thank God McDonalds is requiring cashiers to have bachelors degrees. Every time I order something from a fast food place they either never get the food order right or they forget to take the tomatoes off my burger. I know I sound like an asshole, but, I don’t like tomatoes. Never have never will.

That’s like if a fast food cashier asked me to write a great blog and I wrote a shitty one. He’d be pissed. Luckily for him that will never happen. Not with mitts like these.

– Silky Mitts

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