Daredevils Fly Their Jetpacks Right Alongside A Huge Airplane

*Finishes video, changes pants, fires up the blog machine*

That horrific stench you started smelling in the middle of the video wasn’t the smell of India, that was your pants after shitting yourself. These two dudes are like 10 feet away from a massive fucking airplane. I was waiting the whole video for them to fly a bit too close to an engine and got sucked in like Syndrome from Incredibles. Remember that dumb ginger cunt?

Syndrome

These two guys did exactly what he did and flew too close to the airplane but for some reason didn’t get sucked in. I start shaking sometimes when I’m walking up a flight of stairs at a sports game, can’t imagine what was going through these bro’s minds flying a god damn jet pack around the city of Dubai an inch from a massive plane.

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Rangers’ Rick Nash Leaves Practice with Injury, Considered Day-to-Day

Rick Nash

Of course, this is bad. Anytime one of your franchise players goes down it’s bad.

Of course I would never want Nash out of the lineup.

Of course this is more negative than positive….

But maybe….

But maybeeeeee this for some reason will be exactly what Nasher needed? As of now he has 1 goal and 6 points through 12 games. 1 goal! And in case you didn’t see the goal, he got hooked on a breakaway trying to score into an empty net. Keenan Thompson from D2: Mighty Ducks could have scored that goal and he’s ….a goalie! So he managed to score without even scoring. Other than that he hasn’t put the puck in the back of the net. It’s hard for someone like him to not score even by accident. It’s an upper body injury which is never good, but considering he’s only day-to-day maybe sitting out a game or two and just sitting back and watching the game from a press box will help him out.

So maybe. Just maybeeeee a tiny little upper body injury to Mr. October No Show will do something to get his year started.

In case you didn’t get the reference…

Dude Catches Rare Half Jewish,Half Goblin Shark

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(CNN) – We’re talking about a goblin shark — only the second member of his species ever caught in the Gulf of Mexico, and the first since 2000, shark expert John Carlson said. Carl Moore, 63, of Townsend, Georgia, was the unlikely archeologist of this ichthyological wonder, which he estimates was 18 to 20 feet long. He caught it on April 19, about halfway through an 18-day fishing trip. Carlson guesses it was closer to 15 feet, with the largest goblin shark ever measuring 18 feet. Moore decided an exact appraisal wasn’t in his best interest. “I was going to take the tape measure, then he flashed around again. I said, ‘Forget the measurement. That thing’ll eat me up!'”

Look at the shnoze on that thing!! This has got to be one of the ugliest/scariest demon things these mitts have ever seen. Look how scary that mug is. It’s cool I guess, not like I ever wanted to go to the beach ever again. It says it was caught in the Gulf of Mexico but I don’t give a shit. I don’t think I can ever go into a body of water again. Knowing that something like this is just swimming around has my trousers doused in piss. Looks like if a hammer head shark, a grizzly bear and my bank accountant had a demon offspring.

So I guess it’s no more oceans for Silky Mitts. No more bays, lakes, pools. Not even any more puddles. Regardless of where these things live if I avoid water all together I cut my chance of getting eaten by this thing to 0%. And even that’s a little much.

– Silky Mitts

Rangers Take It To Philly, Get 2-1 Series Lead

View image on Twitter

All around great game. The beginning was very reminiscent of game 2 when they went up 2-0 and let the Flyers get a quick one before the end of the 1st period. Was getting kind of nervous, especially since the game was in Philly. However the absolute ROCKET of a clapper from Girardi made me blast my excitement through my pants. Once they took a 3-1 lead I felt much more comfortable. That and I was quite drunk at that point too. But the story of the game was none other than this man right here…

Carcillo

Dan Carcillo. Who’d a thought? Dude 100% played the best period of his life in the 3rd period of last nights game. Matt Read gave him a dirty cheap shot when he elbowed him in the face and got no call, but Carcillo didn’t miss a shift. Then a minute later Carcillo got called cause refs wanted to give the Flyers a chance to make a come back. Only excuse considering Carcillo didn’t touch anyone. And right out of the box Carcillo had a beaut of a tip in which resulted in one of the best celly’s these mitts have ever seen…

Huge, HUGE game on Friday. Rangers win and they go into the Garden with a chance to end the series. They lose and it becomes a best of 3 with 2 at home. Which, this season, hasn’t been all that great.  Let’s hope it’s the former and Rangers send Geezus* to the links early.

– Silky Mitts

*Calling Giroux “Geezus” is one of, if not the dumbest nickname in all of sports. 1) He’s canadian. 2) It doesn’t sound like Jesus. Wanna know the only similarity? They have two syllables. 3) He’s ginger. That probably should have been number 1.

p.s. That flow Carcillo’s rockin might have to be Flow of the Week.

 

 

Duncan Keith Chirps At Backes Saying “Wakey Wakey, Backes” After He Got Demolished.

Sooo in case you didn’t hear it or see it, St. Louis Blues player David Backes got his shit absolutely WRECKED by Brent Seabrook. Backes seemed to have as much brain function as a light post after he got hit and Chicago defenseman Duncan Keith chirped at him saying “wakey wakey”. Cause, you know, he got knocked the fuck out. And now apparently it’s causing a huge uproar. As a long time hockey player and fan, I truly have no clue what the fuck people are upset about. We’re not talking about the hit, we’re talking about the beaks on Keith. It was one of the funniest lines I’ve heard.

And what the most ridiculous part of this whole thing is that the same people who are angry about this must think that this was the dirtiest/scummiest thing that was said on the ice that day. FAR from it. The thing that players say on the ice to the opposition is unreal. Saying Wakey Wakey is the most PC thing that was probably said that day. The shit that I’ve heard in my day on the ice would make the average man vomit his gizzards out. One game I played in some dude told me he was going to skull fuck my mother and write a  book about it. And this was the 2nd game of the year in a Division 2 club hockey team that didn’t matter. I laughed my ass after that chirp because it was hilarious. I understand Wakey Wakey was probably not in good taste cause Backes could have been seriously injured, but the point remains the same…it was hilarious. And really, that’s what chirps are all about.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. One of the greatest Chirp videos out there. Very well done.

Mrs. Doubtfire 2 Is Happening and Being a Cynical Asshole I Couldn’t Be Angrier.

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(One of the creepiest images of all time)

(Huff Po): Slam a cake in your face and call it a beauty treatment because “Mrs. Doubtfire” is getting a sequel. The Hollywood Reporter announced that a follow-up to the 1993 comedy is in the works, and that Robin Williams is on board to reprise his role as the divorced dad-turned-cross-dressing housekeeper. Chris Columbus will be back in the director’s chair with David Berenbaum (“Elf”) attached to write the screenplay.

The only…and I mean the ONLY saving grace of having a sequel to this movie is that Chris Columbus is directing this movie. For those of you who don’t know he directed what could be called the greatest sequel of all time, in Home Alone 2. He directed the first one which is a life changing movie and then hit a grand slam with a sequel. Mrs. Doubtfire was very good but it was also made in 1993. A fucking TWENTY ONE year grace period between the movies only says one thing to me, and that’s that everybody involved is desperate for money. Home Alone 1 and 2 were 2 years apart. Everything was fresh. Macaulay Culkin had not yet turned to the needle and turned into a psychopath rock star. Harry and Marv just recently escaped from prison so they were free to do the movie. All the pieces fit at the time.

Robin Williams is supposedly signed on to play a tranny again and after a couple decades this movie can only suck shit. I hope I’m wrong. But I never am. That’s why I’m nervous.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. If Mrs. Doubtfire was a horror movie I think it could have been top 5 all time best horrors. Watch this shit. Goosebumps like you read about…

 

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