Debate As Old As Time: Poptarts vs. Toaster Strudels…Who Ya Got?

So the other day I was shopping and brought home toaster strudels and my roommate has the absolute gall to tell me that he thinks not only are pop tarts better, but toaster strudels suck. Are you kidding me bro? That’s honest to god psychopath killer talk. I’m not positive but I’m like 90% sure hitler preferred pop tarts too. If you choose pop tarts over toaster strudels you must own like 50 cats. At least. Toaster strudels have been and will forever be the superior breakfast food over poptarts. That’s not my opinion, it’s a fact. I mean like, it’s not even a close competition. Toaster Strudels over poptarts all day everyday. The people that like pop tarts over toaster strudels are probably the same people who like pepsi over coke. Just cuckoo looney talk. Now I’m not saying pop tarts are bad. Toast those bad boys up, throw some butter on that bitch and have an absolute field day on that pastry whore. I’m just saying toaster strudels are in a league of their own. Pop tarts are like the decently talented AA ball player while toaster strudels are Derek Jeter. Started at the very top, remained there, and will end there. Breakfast pastry 101.

So I ask the WordPress readers. Toaster Strudels vs. Pop Tarts…who ya got?

– Silky Mitts

p.s. If you have ever eaten or even considered eating an unfrosted pop tart you should immediately be sent to a mental institution for the rest of your life without a chance of release. Literally the craziest thing a single human being can do.

No Big Deal Just A Family That Was Never Taught To Walk On 2 Legs.

Bizarro city, population this family. I mean is that even comfortable? What the hell do you get out of walking on all fours? Bro, you look like a monkey. We’re homo erectus now, you can walk upright. Act like it. And it’s not like they’re crawling, cause their knees never touch the floor. Just their hands and feet scrapping dirt and rocks and shit all day. I don’t get it. You’re gonna cut up your hands, get them dirty, calluses destroying your entire hand like you read about. Call me crazy but I don’t see any positives coming out of this. Walk like a monkey for so long your backs gonna morph and you won’t be able to stand up straight at all. Forget about ever having pleasurable sex ever again. The only purpose for sex for you will be strictly to procreate and everyone knows that’s the only downside of fucking. That and trying to slink out of her apartment in the middle of the night without her noticing. Point is, this may be the stupidest thing you could do for no reason. They get no benefit, we get no benefit, everyone loses. No one cares you’re trying to be different cause you look like idiots. Not trying to be mean, just laying down the facts.

– Silky Mitts


Original Link: Slate

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