Debate As Old As Time: Poptarts vs. Toaster Strudels…Who Ya Got?

So the other day I was shopping and brought home toaster strudels and my roommate has the absolute gall to tell me that he thinks not only are pop tarts better, but toaster strudels suck. Are you kidding me bro? That’s honest to god psychopath killer talk. I’m not positive but I’m like 90% sure hitler preferred pop tarts too. If you choose pop tarts over toaster strudels you must own like 50 cats. At least. Toaster strudels have been and will forever be the superior breakfast food over poptarts. That’s not my opinion, it’s a fact. I mean like, it’s not even a close competition. Toaster Strudels over poptarts all day everyday. The people that like pop tarts over toaster strudels are probably the same people who like pepsi over coke. Just cuckoo looney talk. Now I’m not saying pop tarts are bad. Toast those bad boys up, throw some butter on that bitch and have an absolute field day on that pastry whore. I’m just saying toaster strudels are in a league of their own. Pop tarts are like the decently talented AA ball player while toaster strudels are Derek Jeter. Started at the very top, remained there, and will end there. Breakfast pastry 101.

So I ask the WordPress readers. Toaster Strudels vs. Pop Tarts…who ya got?

– Silky Mitts

p.s. If you have ever eaten or even considered eating an unfrosted pop tart you should immediately be sent to a mental institution for the rest of your life without a chance of release. Literally the craziest thing a single human being can do.

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Bro Cuts His Arm Off With A Saw At Home Depot. No Big Deal.

Ho hum nothing to see here, just a dude nonchalantly cutting his entire arm off with a saw in the middle of a Home Depot while people are watching. It’s not like he was cutting some wood and accidentally nicked his arm. This bro, fucking cut his arm off. That blows my mind. Walked in the store, went to the saw section, picked out a nice sharp saw, and promptly hacked away. Either this dude was on a comical amount of drugs or we just found the manliest man that ever man.

I mean, have you ever gotten a paper cut anywhere on your body? Not only does it hurt like hell, but it will ruin your day. Tiny cut in the arm, days ruined. But not for this bro. I would love for this guy to be captured by Jigsaw from the Saw movies and as Jigsaw’s in the middle of telling him he has to peel off all of his finger nails to get the key, this guy is already opening the door.

– Silky Mitts

@FGsilkymitts

p.s. Absolutely LOVE the asian guy on the left of this picture. Cockiest pose in the history of poses. Dude straight dominates the picture. And if you don’t think the guy all the way to the right hasn’t murdered at least 50 people with his bare hands I have a bridge to sell you.

original link: http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-man-saws-arms-home-depot-20130410,0,4389809.story

Note To Self: Do Not Ask Gucci Mane For A Picture

Note To Self: Do Not Ask Gucci Mane For A Picture

So Mr. Mane is back in legal trouble, this time smashing a bottle of champagne over a soldiers head when the soldier wanted a picture with the…artist? Now obviously it’s messed up he hit a soldier in the head with a bottle just for asking for a picture, but this has gotta be the soldiers fault here, right? Gucci already served 6 months in jail for assault in ’05, then he was charged with murder and the charges conveniently got dropped because of “lack of evidence” aka Gucci threatened to eat the judge’s family. Was it really a shocker that Gucci doesn’t want some honky snappin pictures in his grill piece while he’s trying to watch chicks with major daddy issues twerk? Bro, this is Gucci Mane, the man has a god damn ice cream cone tattooed to his face.

– Silky Mitts

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