Red Wings Unveil New Stadium Series Sweaters

Nothing gets Silky Mitts dick harder than new hockey teams revealing their sweaters. Doesn’t take much to get me solid, but in order of things that give me a boner it would be new hockey jerseys, good whiskey and Lundqvist. Oh, and whores. Whores get me going too. But I digress, let’s see what they look like…

 

 

 

 

Red Wimgs Sweater

Silky smooth! Love um! Kind of has that old school feel but the D logo on the front looks slick and fresh. Hope Datsyuk stays healthy cause I need to see him in this bad boy. Red Wings will be wearing these on February 27th against the Colorado Avalanche in Colorado for the Stadium Series match.

Not to nit pick but don’t really like the “Red Wings” on the collar, but everything else makes me dizzy from the blood rushing from my head to my penis so, not bad.

Overall: 8.2/10

– Silky Mitts

What do you think? Feel free to let me know in the comments so I can tell you why you’re wrong if you disagree with me.

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NHL All-Star Game Changed to 3-on-3 Format. Here are Silky Mitts Best Team Lineup Combinations

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*Picture taken from NHL Hitz, one of the greatest games of all time*

So the NHL announced that this all star game will be a 3-on-3 mini playoff. Atlantic plays Metro for 20 minutes then Pacific plays Central. Winner of each game play each other for the championship. Pretty cool idea that will be fun for the fans. I have a feeling at least one goalie is going to get injured from facing so many repetitive odd man rushes, but whatever lines Bettmans pocket he’s gonna do.

Many line combinations are possible, and many people have their own opinion. But that’s just what it is, their opinion. Silky Mitts doesn’t give opinions he spits straight facts. Part of being the best. So instead of waiting I’ll tell you the best possible 3 on 3 (+ a goalie) scenario for each division.

Atlantic 

The 3: Stamkos (TBL), Eichel (BUF), Subban (MTL).

Goalie: Carey Price

V8Xgynoz

Notes: I know what you’re already going to say. Eichel’s good but he’s so young has so much to prove still yada yada yadda well that’s why my mitts are made of 100% pure columbian silk and yours are made of cement. Anyone with eyes can see that Eichel is one of the most entertaining players in the entire NHL right now and he’s been playing for the god damn Sabres. 99% of his goals are highlight reel goals, so putting him in 3 on 3 with Stammer and Subban is a no brainer. There are other options, sure, but they’re wrong.

Just Missed: Larkin (DET), Krejci (BOS), Silky Mitts (Free Agent)

Metropolitan

The 3: Ovechkin (WAS), Tavares (NYI), Yandle (NYR)

Goalie: Henrik Lundqvist (NYR)11195_content_Gotham-Magazine-Henrik-Lundqvist-3 *If you thought you were gonna get a hockey blog from Silky Mitts without seeing at least one Lundqvist picture you’re out of your mind*

Notes: Pretty solid team right here. I could have left all 3 players out and just put Hank in and I think at the very least the Metro win the tourney by about 3-4 goals. But honestly Ovie and Tavares together makes my computer shoot up cause I’m typing on my lap. Truthfully I don’t like Ovie and think he’s lazy but he’s such a pure goal scorer it’d be a sham to not have him in. Yandle is the perfect 3-on-3 defensemen (along with Subban and Karlsson) so his addition would make for some real excitement.

Just Missed: Zuccarello (NYR), Malkin (PIT), Cammalleri (NJD)

Central

The 3: Benn (DAL), Kane (CHI) Seguin (DAL)

Goalie: Pekka Rinne (NSH)

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*That’s Rinne btw. No shot anyone (including myself) would know who that was if you ran into him on the street but he’s holding a puppy in this picture so fuck you I’m using it*

This is probably the most difficult one. Central is sort of stacked. Sequin and Benn as of right now have already combined for 53 points. FIFTY-THREE FUCKING POINTS! Between two fucking people. And it’s only November fucking 19th. That’s the shit that makes me want to down a bottle of nyquil and see if I can JO before I fall asleep. It’s that insane. Kane is also a no brainer leading the league in points, goals and assists (I guess those rape allegations really got to um, uh?) There’s obviously others that are very deserving, but once again I don’t believe they’re as deserving as these 3. And if you read the top of the blog post you’d see I’m never wrong.

Also, anyone that thinks Reto Berra deserves the spot over Rinne probably has to type on a keyboard  with one finger at a time.

Just Missed: Klingberg (DAL), Panarin (CHI), Taresenko (STL)

Pacific

The 3: Toffoli (LAK), Gaudreau (CAL), Burns (SJS)

Goalie: Quick (LAK)

021414_quick

Notes: Gaudreau is another one of those players that’s electric to watch. And he’s still so young, lotta talent. Burns is another great defensemen for a 3-on-3 because of the beard and the offensive skill he possesses. But mostly the beard. Need it want it gotta have it. Quick’s pretty decent I guess.

Just missed: Hall (EDM), Pavelski (SJS), one of the Sedin twins, doesn’t matter which one (VAN).

– Silky Mitts

 

Have any feedback you want to dish at Sir Silky Mitts? Think you can make a better lineup? Well then you didn’t read the article cause mine was silky smooth. But comment anyways if you’d like.

Rangers Look To Take 2 In Pitt Tonight

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After beating the Penguins 3-2 in overtime last Friday night the blueshirts look to extend their series lead to 2 tonight in Pittsburgh at 7:30. If the Rangers play exactly like they did a couple days ago they have a prettay prettaaay good chance. Lundqvist played well and the line of Brassard-Zucc-Pouliot continued to be the best on the ice. Nash continues to do his best Terry Shiavo impression while Benoit Pouliot has 4 points in his last 2 games. Such an upside down world we’re living in right now. But hey if it gets them the W I ain’t complainin. If Nash remembers how to use his motor skills I think Rangers become a real scary team right now. They looked real good against the Pens, but if Rags happen to move on to next round they’re going to need to be MUCH better. Whether they play the Habs or B’s they gotta pick up their play.

Now I know this would never happen, but AV needs to start Talbot tonight. Nothing against Lundqvist, but playing in Pittsburgh tonight and then playing in New York in less than 24 hours is too strenuous on goalies. Hanks been great, but he should watch from the bench tonight. Tell him it has nothing to do with his play, just rest for tomorrow. And I know it’s the playoffs, but guess what? Talbots been INCREDIBLE this year. I’m not just starting Talbot to rest Hank, it’s also to give us a good chance. He’s 12-6-1 with a .941 save percentage and 1.64 GAA. .941 Save Percentage!!! Not to mention a win over Chicago earlier this year where he was 20 seconds away from shutting them out. Those are absolutely remarkable numbers for a backup goalie. He also came in to relieve Hank against the Flyers and although only faced 5 shots he looked real good. I understand Hank is the go-to guy but all I’m saying is I wouldn’t hate it if Talbot started tonight.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. Best part hands down about last game was not only was Crosby held to 0 goals and 0 assists…he was a minus 3 on the night. On for every single Rangers goal. Should have given him the broadway hat that night.

Well, That Sucked.

Absolutely brutal. Played a great first period and half of the 2nd and then just shit the bed. Rangers got 17 shots in the 2nd and couldn’t net one and the Flyers got 2. Emery got his shit together and played great. I love how Flyers fans react to Emery yesterday. After the first period social media was blowing up asking for Emery’s head. Saying how he is the worst post to post goalie and he blows. Send in the backup. Then he has 2 good periods and all of a sudden every fan is comparing him to Jonathan Quick’s Stanley Cup run in 2012. Hysterical. He lets in 6 goals in the first 4 periods and then finally blanks the Rangers for the last 2 periods and everyone calls him the greatest. Rangers have always and will always struggle to score in the post season. Don’t know why, just the way it is. Going up 2-0 heading in to Philly obviously would have been huge but at 1-1 stealing a game in that shit hole town is a must for the Rangers. The King has been kind of shakey (probably in part to not facing many shots and getting into a flow) and Nash has been awfully quiet. Tuesday at 8 is the next game and the Rangers absolutely cannot let this series slip away from them. The drunken inbreds will no doubt make a tough atmosphere for the Rangers to play in, but they gotta stay strong. LGR

– Silky Mitts

It’s Here! It’s Finally Here! Rangers Playoff Hockey Is About To Begin!

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Been waiting for this day since the start of the season. More excited than Kim Jong Un holding a flamethrower in front of his loved ones. For the past couple years now the Rangers have been a team that are expected to make the playoffs, especially after last year when they dropped their pants from the high towers of 1st place and took a nice dump on the rest of the East. I was skeptical of the signing of AV, especially after the rocky start, but after severely improving a horrid power play and getting the rags to the 2nd position in the Met, I fully believe AV can make a serious playoff run. The zucc-brassard-pouliot line has been absolutely incredible and a HUGE factor as to why the Rangers have made it to where they are. Much rather would have had the rags play the Blue Jackets 1st round and let the Pens and Flyers kill each other but here we are. Flyers are a very resilient team that play with grit so the rangers are gonna have to come out strong and show other teams that playing at The Garden during the playoffs wont be easy. St. Louis gonna have to step it up, Nash keep playing great, and Hank keep wearing those Armani’s. LGR!

– Silky Mitts

 

Rangers vs. Flyers Pump Up Video

Broadway vs. Broad Street baby! This video was made by some dude named metrangerfan711 but he did a great job. What a first round match up though. These teams have such a history, it’s gonna be a god damn blood bath to win this series. Rangers vs Flyers, Good guys vs scum bag flyers, Broadways best vs the cunts. Physically can’t wait for this series to start. Seriously my laptops on my lap as I type this and I can’t use half the keys cause I shot my excitement all over the keyboard. Being a Rangers fan I don’t want to come off as bias so my honest to god series prediction is Rangers in 4 and Lundqvist gets a shut out in every single game. And I’m a firm believer in jinxes, so you know it has to be true otherwise I wouldn’t say it.

I know what you’re thinking, “Silky Mitts, how can you be so confident that the King will post a shutout in 4 straight games?”

Answer:

Next Question.

“But they have a gritty team with Simmonds and Hartnell. How do you expect to contain them?

Answer: Cause Simmonds sucks and Hartnell looks like robin williams in Jumanji when he came back from the jungle

Hartnell vs. Williams

Boom roasted next.

“I’ve got no more questions, that was perfect”

– Silky Mitts

If There Is A God In Heaven The Rangers Will Win And The Jets Will Lose.

I’m gettin too old for this shit. Excluding last year, every year is the same with the Rangers. It takes them till the last couple of game of the year to let their fans know if they’re going to be in the playoffs or not. Every year they need help from another team. And every year I lose years off my life watching this team play towards the end of the year. With that said my message to the Rangers is simple…a win tonight is a must. I don’t care how it looks. I don’t care how ugly it is, just get the win. Play that muck and grind hockey and walk out of that shit hole arena Florida has with a solid W. I seriously don’t think I’ll ever understand this team. They have talent in the likes of Rick Nash, superhero-like abilities in Ryan Callahan, and life-dominating, overall perfection in Lundqvist. How are they 1 point behind the Isles struggling to keep their head afloat? Blows my mind. You know what you need to do Rangers. Don’t let Silky Mitts down. LGR

– Silky Mitts

@FGsilkymitts

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