New Study Says Ice From Fast Food Places Is Dirtier Than Water From Your Toilet. Am I Supposed To Be Shocked?

Reason #4,567,352,654,345 why I will never understand people who complain about their fast food experiences. I thought it was a given that even something as simple as ice would still be filthier than water that we shit in. It’s fast food. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is healthy. I’m pretty sure the only way a fast food joint is allowed to open is if a food inspector watches them shove glass into burgers and makes sure the employees rub their nut sacks on the ice. Honestly, if I found out that the ice was healthier than toilet water I would be so suspicious. I would assume that instead of water they freeze piss or something. So it’s good that this study came out. Just makes ordering drinks at Burger King that much more comfortable.

Also, dogs drink out of toilets. And I heard that dogs mouths are healthier than humans mouths, or somethin like that. So no surprise ice isn’t as healthy as toilet water. Dogs (as always) know what’s up.

Oh and I don’t want to scare any English majors who enjoy wearing scarves in hot weather but Starbucks was involved in this study.  So to save you time and money instead of going to starbucks, next time just blast some heat in your toilet, throw some ice in there, scoop a big gulp and enjoy. Same basic thing.

– Silky Mitts

Original Link: Yahoo

Another Day, Another Fast Food Incident Involving Glass In the Sandwich.

Not a week goes by that a story surfaces in the news about something wrong with fast food burgers. Not one week. People constantly complaining about their microwaved piece of processed meat that isn’t up to their standards. This time some gospel singer from Brooklyn was eating a chicken sandwich at McDonalds and bit into a shard of glass the size of a penny. Is this supposed to shock me? You ordered the chicken sandwich at a McD in Brooklyn. This ain’t a 5 star restaurant sweetie, it’s a shitty fast food joint that serves shitty food. People are always complaining about their fast food meat. Wah there’s glass in the sandwich, wahh there’s a mouse head in my drink, wahhhh there’s a beating heart on my burger. Grow up. Stop being so naive and start living in the real world. If a tiny piece of glass finds itself in your sandwich just pick it out, finish your meal, and count your blessings it wasn’t a human finger or something.

– Silky Mitts

Original Link: NY Post

p.s. The chicken sandwich? Really? People actually order the chicken from fast food places? Call me crazy but you couldn’t pay me enough to even touch a chicken burger, let alone eat it.

p.p.s. As nasty as fast food is, the Big Mac is the king of burgers. You could argue with me that there are better burgers but you’d be a liar. And I don’t argue with liars.

McDonalds About To Start Serving Breakfast Alllllllllllllll Day.

They already sell addictive fat greasy food that shortens lives immensely, and then they do something like this, and totally redeem themselves! Seriously this could be one of the greatest ideas in the history of mankind. Can’t think of much that would top this. The wheel, the remote control for a TV, and the morning after pill. Only things greater than an all day breakfast at McDonalds. Can you imagine getting trashed one night and going to McDonalds at midnight and they’re still serving mcgriddles with hash browns? And then you wake up with a hangover at 2 in the afternoon that could take down Andre the Giant and you can go back to McDonalds…and get the exact same thing. I’m gettin all hot and bothered just thinking about it.

– Silky Mitts


original Link: CNBC

Dude Buys Burger In 1999 And Holds On To It For 14 Years…Still Looks The Exact Same.

So this story is circulating the internet right now. People shocked that a shitty burger looks the exact same after 14 years. My question to concerned people…who gives a shit? Are people really shocked about this story? Like wait, the 89 cent piece of processed beef I paid for that was ready in 2 seconds isn’t fresh? No way!

I mean, if you’re making the conscious decision to eat fast food you obviously don’t care about your well being. And if you don’t eat fast food cause you’re a pussy vegan or whatever than this story doesn’t concern you anyway. I’m not casting judgement either, I love fast food. Eat it all the time. So fake it tastes delicious. But the fact that this burger doesn’t look any different than it did when it was made doesn’t concern me. Doesn’t concern me in the slightest. If I ordered a salad and kept it for 14 years and it looked the same you bet your ass I would be extremely concerned. Because salad is supposed to be fresh. But this is fast food we’re talking about here. Diarrhea of the gods.

If anything I’m pretty sure this is a huge stepping stone in curing world hunger right? Could you imagine if every mcdonalds in the world saved one burger each day and after 14 years just dispersed all of them out to people in need? Christ almighty with an idea like that I deserve a nobel prize. At the very least a bid for presidency. Silky Mitts 4 President!

– Silky Mitts


Original Link: MSN

McDonalds Now Requiring CASHIERS To Have Bachelors Degree…This is 100% Serious.

McDonalds Now Requiring CASHIERS To Have Bachelors Degree...This is 100% Serious.

This is not an Onion article. McDonalds, the fast food chain, is now only hiring cashiers that have a bachelors degree. To be a fucking cashier. Who the fuck would work at McDonalds if they have a bachelors degree? Not even an Associates degree. You have to go to college for four god damn years to be considered to ask if an overweight asshole would like fries with their meal. Bizzare stuff from the Golden Arches.

You know what?…As I’m writing this I’m totally flipping sides on this topic. Thank God McDonalds is requiring cashiers to have bachelors degrees. Every time I order something from a fast food place they either never get the food order right or they forget to take the tomatoes off my burger. I know I sound like an asshole, but, I don’t like tomatoes. Never have never will.

That’s like if a fast food cashier asked me to write a great blog and I wrote a shitty one. He’d be pissed. Luckily for him that will never happen. Not with mitts like these.

– Silky Mitts

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