Power Move: Woman(?) Dresses Her Pet Anteaters In Human Clothes

 

https://i1.wp.com/i1.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article3391774.ece/ALTERNATES/s2197/Anteater-3391774.jpg

Where is your God now?!?! This seriously might be one of the most psychotic things I’ve seen in my life. I’m not talking about the anteaters dressed to the 9’s. I’m talking about that thing that dresses them. The article says it’s a woman? No shot that’s a woman. I’ve seen really ugly women before. Like vial, unfortunate looking hogs. I’ve woken up hungover next to them on occasion. But this isn’t one of them. This thing shows no indication of being a woman. And don’t give me this “long hair” shit. Hippie bros rocked that hair like it was their job back in the day. Not to mention that freshly shaved mustache is screaming at me through my computer screen.

Could you imagine walking down the road and seeing this thing walking down power ant eaters in sweaters? I would turn around and walk the other way so fast you’d think I just saw an ex-girlfriend. I’ve crossed the street when people are walking their dogs or I see 1 or more black people. No way in HELL I’m passing a crew of ant eaters and a bat shit insane man-woman-beast. Might as well pack my things and shake hands with the devil himself.

– Silky Mitts

Original Link: Barstool Sports

 

p.s. I’d be remiss if I didn’t include this picture. Everyone knows red leather makes the girls weak in their knees. Sucks for all the other bro ant eaters who will have to wait for this guys left overs.

EMERGENCY P.P.S: Realized who this woman looks EXACTLY like…

https://i2.wp.com/content7.flixster.com/photo/49/35/66/4935661_ori.jpg

Spitting image.

 

 

Advertisements

2014 Men’s Olympic Ice Hockey Preview

Can’t fucking wait. Easily the greatest sporting event ever is Men’s olympic ice hockey. The passion, the dedication, the will to win for your country, Lundqvist’s face, it’s all there. Last winter olympics were great and the championship game was incredible. Wish USA won instead but great game nonetheless. So here are a couple things to note…

Ovie’s skates are SCORCHING hot.

Jesus Ovechkin! This blog just started and you’re already burning the whole place down! Just an absolute savage move rockin these bad boys. Now, as for actual notes on the games and what not, lets take a look at the first couple games…

Capture

Sweden vs. the czechs will be a pretty decent game. Lundqvist is comin in this tourney as the hottest goalie. He’s also been playing really well lately. Sweden should definitely win this game but with snipers in the likes of elias and jagr, czechs aren’t a team you necessarily wanna over look. Chara is the only good player on Slovakia so my guess for the final score of USA vs. slovakia is 7-1 USA.

Here’s a video to inspire usa fans…

god fucking damnit I love olympic hockey. Still not pumped up? Here is Parise’s tying goal from last olympics to bring the gold medal game into OT

He was named the captain of this years squad also. Couldn’t be happier. Great talent, great leader. Gonna be a good one this year, hope the good guys can bring home the gold. If you still don’t have a rock hard patriotic erection in your pants here are some other things America

boobies!

go america!

– Silky Mitts

Spawn Of Satan Evicting Her 91 Year Old WW2 Veteran Grandfather Out Of His Own House That He Built.

I’ve read some messed up shit before, but this may take the cake for the most evil, sinister thing someone can do. You’re kicking him out of a house that he created. Like, he built it. Himself. He’s too old, where’s he supposed to go? Look at him, he’s, too old! Unreal anyone would do this to their own grandfather who served in WW2. This American fought in battle so people like this bitch can be free and eat bacon whenever they fucking want. How do you eat bacon and still have an urge to evict your grandfather? It’s fucking bacon. Chicks got a soul as dirty as Harriet Tubman’s grundle and heart as icey as the lakes in canada.

If I was this bro I would call over my old army buddies and go straight torture status. Only thing people as cold as her can understand. I’m talking like water-boarding, pealing her fingernails off, boring her with army stories. Hearing stories from your grandfather that you’ve already heard 40 billion times is so rough. If she’s able to get away with this I may have to take action myself. And when Silky Mitts takes action into his own hands, Silky Mitts gets the job done. That’s a promise.

– Silky Mitts

@FGsilkymitts

Original Link: ABC

p.s. Cool it with the gums, toots. Shit’s nasty.

Asshole Scientists Find Secret To Never Dying.

So a bunch of scientists found a region in our brain that might help people live much longer. My question to scientists – why the fuck would you do that? Do you have any idea how many people live on this earth? Too many. If you extend people’s life expectancy all that means is that there will be more assholes to cut you off on the highway, more assholes applying for that job that you really want, more assholes fanning their towels at the beach getting sand all up in your potato salad, the list is endless. Not being cynical, just saying instead of increasing the population we should be drastically decreasing it. There’s simply too many people. I’m not talking like, 10 or 20 people too many, i’m talking like 1 or 2 billion too many. There are so many stupid people that inhabit this earth that contribute absolutely nothing to anyone. Ever. People that go through life, don’t create anything, and die. Just remember next time when you go to a restaurant and the waiting time for a table is over an hour, it’s because of these douchey scientists.

I don’t want to sound all high and mighty either. I would easily put myself in the category of people who contribute nothing. Just another person to add burger king wrappers to the great pacific ocean garbage patch. Am I saying I should leave the earth now? Absolutely not. Should my life be extended anymore past it’s expiration date? Hell no. Would you drink milk a week after it expires? Didn’t think so. Case closed. Game, set, match, Silky Mitts. I won. Game over…end of game.

– Silky Mitts

@FGsilkymitts

Original Link: France 24

p.s. Who wants to live past 100 anyway? I’ve seen people who are in their 90’s and they’re absolutely miserable. Have to shit in bed pans, food has to be brought to them, don’t talk to anyone, they have to sit in a chair all day. Actually…that sounds pretty sweet. Extend my life, scientists!

NASA Claims Mars Rover “Accidentally” Drew Penis On Mars. Yeah, Sure Thing NASA.

This picture has been floating around the internet the past couple days. NASA saying that the rover accidentally drew this and it wasn’t intentional. Fuck out of my face, NASA. Men have and will always draw penises any moment we’re given the chance. We’re just programmed to do so. Doesn’t matter if you’re 13 or 35 it will always be funny to draw penises no matter what. Whenever a dude gets some sort of canvas to draw a penis he’s going to draw it 1 billion times out of 1 billion. That’s not an opinion that’s a fact. This is the perfect example too. It’s not just the drunk college bro that draws penises in the snow with their piss, but it’s also brainiacs working for NASA that’ll carve that bad boy into another planet. To be perfectly honest I’m surprised it took this long to draw one on Mars. If I was in charge of the rover I would have mapped out a spot to draw a penis before the idea of the rover was even mentioned. Just too perfect an opportunity to let slip.

– Silky Mitts

@FGsilkymitts

Dude Harpoons Himself In The Face While Cleaning Harpoon, Doesn’t Go To Hospital Until The Next Day.

I don’t know the first thing about harpoons, but I will tell you this. When one of them goes through your eye I’m like 85% sure you’re supposed to immediately go to the hospital. Not 100% on that, but I’m fairly confident. This guy had a harpoon lodged in his dome piece and he actually waited until the next day to go to the hospital. That means he went about his day with a harpoon lodged through his face acting as if he didn’t have a god damn harpoon lodged in his face. Making lunch, masturbating, chillin, watchin TV, masturbating, reading a book, masturbating, all with a harpoon shoved through his face. I mean, bro, you have a giant piece of metal in the middle of your head. I don’t know if this is a tactic trying to get laid but I gotta tell you most chicks are gonna find it kinda disgusting. Shits gross dude, clean it up.

You have to figure after a while it’s more annoying than painful right? I mean if he waited an entire day to go to the hospital I’m sure it started to not hurt and now everywhere he walks hes bumping into walls pushing the harpoon further in his stupidĀ  face. Somethin like that will ruin anyone’s day. I bet his thought process was that if he ignored the giant harpoon protruding from his eye ball that it would go away. Not gonna say that’s one of the worst decisions in the world but that’s one of the worst decisions in the world hands down. Get that shit removed immediately next time buddy, cause I gotta be honest, you look pretty dumb. Not trying to be harsh, just keepin it real.

– Silky Mitts

@FGsilkymitts

Original Link: TVNZ

%d bloggers like this: