Kaner Does It Again.

(vine made by @JFeitelberg from barstoolsports.com)

Is it just me or does it seem like every time the Blackhawks win a playoff game in OT it’s scored by Patrick Kane? I swear to god this kid is so talented it makes my head hurt. He’s won a silver medal in the olympics, got the game winning Stanley Cup goal against Philly a couple years ago, had this double OT series winning goal last year that included the top 3 nicest cellys ever…

oh and for those of you counting at home he’s 25. Which makes me want to rock my head through a cement wall. Say what you want about how he doesn’t show during the olympics (he really reaaaaaally didn’t show at all this past olympics) but during the NHL he comes through every single time you need him. Pure talent from head to toe. What a game, gonna make a great finish to the series.

– Silky Mitts


Rangers Take It To Philly, Get 2-1 Series Lead

View image on Twitter

All around great game. The beginning was very reminiscent of game 2 when they went up 2-0 and let the Flyers get a quick one before the end of the 1st period. Was getting kind of nervous, especially since the game was in Philly. However the absolute ROCKET of a clapper from Girardi made me blast my excitement through my pants. Once they took a 3-1 lead I felt much more comfortable. That and I was quite drunk at that point too. But the story of the game was none other than this man right here…


Dan Carcillo. Who’d a thought? Dude 100% played the best period of his life in the 3rd period of last nights game. Matt Read gave him a dirty cheap shot when he elbowed him in the face and got no call, but Carcillo didn’t miss a shift. Then a minute later Carcillo got called cause refs wanted to give the Flyers a chance to make a come back. Only excuse considering Carcillo didn’t touch anyone. And right out of the box Carcillo had a beaut of a tip in which resulted in one of the best celly’s these mitts have ever seen…

Huge, HUGE game on Friday. Rangers win and they go into the Garden with a chance to end the series. They lose and it becomes a best of 3 with 2 at home. Which, this season, hasn’t been all that great.  Let’s hope it’s the former and Rangers send Geezus* to the links early.

– Silky Mitts

*Calling Giroux “Geezus” is one of, if not the dumbest nickname in all of sports. 1) He’s canadian. 2) It doesn’t sound like Jesus. Wanna know the only similarity? They have two syllables. 3) He’s ginger. That probably should have been number 1.

p.s. That flow Carcillo’s rockin might have to be Flow of the Week.



Duncan Keith Chirps At Backes Saying “Wakey Wakey, Backes” After He Got Demolished.

Sooo in case you didn’t hear it or see it, St. Louis Blues player David Backes got his shit absolutely WRECKED by Brent Seabrook. Backes seemed to have as much brain function as a light post after he got hit and Chicago defenseman Duncan Keith chirped at him saying “wakey wakey”. Cause, you know, he got knocked the fuck out. And now apparently it’s causing a huge uproar. As a long time hockey player and fan, I truly have no clue what the fuck people are upset about. We’re not talking about the hit, we’re talking about the beaks on Keith. It was one of the funniest lines I’ve heard.

And what the most ridiculous part of this whole thing is that the same people who are angry about this must think that this was the dirtiest/scummiest thing that was said on the ice that day. FAR from it. The thing that players say on the ice to the opposition is unreal. Saying Wakey Wakey is the most PC thing that was probably said that day. The shit that I’ve heard in my day on the ice would make the average man vomit his gizzards out. One game I played in some dude told me he was going to skull fuck my mother and write a  book about it. And this was the 2nd game of the year in a Division 2 club hockey team that didn’t matter. I laughed my ass after that chirp because it was hilarious. I understand Wakey Wakey was probably not in good taste cause Backes could have been seriously injured, but the point remains the same…it was hilarious. And really, that’s what chirps are all about.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. One of the greatest Chirp videos out there. Very well done.

Well, That Sucked.

Absolutely brutal. Played a great first period and half of the 2nd and then just shit the bed. Rangers got 17 shots in the 2nd and couldn’t net one and the Flyers got 2. Emery got his shit together and played great. I love how Flyers fans react to Emery yesterday. After the first period social media was blowing up asking for Emery’s head. Saying how he is the worst post to post goalie and he blows. Send in the backup. Then he has 2 good periods and all of a sudden every fan is comparing him to Jonathan Quick’s Stanley Cup run in 2012. Hysterical. He lets in 6 goals in the first 4 periods and then finally blanks the Rangers for the last 2 periods and everyone calls him the greatest. Rangers have always and will always struggle to score in the post season. Don’t know why, just the way it is. Going up 2-0 heading in to Philly obviously would have been huge but at 1-1 stealing a game in that shit hole town is a must for the Rangers. The King has been kind of shakey (probably in part to not facing many shots and getting into a flow) and Nash has been awfully quiet. Tuesday at 8 is the next game and the Rangers absolutely cannot let this series slip away from them. The drunken inbreds will no doubt make a tough atmosphere for the Rangers to play in, but they gotta stay strong. LGR

– Silky Mitts

It’s Here! It’s Finally Here! Rangers Playoff Hockey Is About To Begin!


Been waiting for this day since the start of the season. More excited than Kim Jong Un holding a flamethrower in front of his loved ones. For the past couple years now the Rangers have been a team that are expected to make the playoffs, especially after last year when they dropped their pants from the high towers of 1st place and took a nice dump on the rest of the East. I was skeptical of the signing of AV, especially after the rocky start, but after severely improving a horrid power play and getting the rags to the 2nd position in the Met, I fully believe AV can make a serious playoff run. The zucc-brassard-pouliot line has been absolutely incredible and a HUGE factor as to why the Rangers have made it to where they are. Much rather would have had the rags play the Blue Jackets 1st round and let the Pens and Flyers kill each other but here we are. Flyers are a very resilient team that play with grit so the rangers are gonna have to come out strong and show other teams that playing at The Garden during the playoffs wont be easy. St. Louis gonna have to step it up, Nash keep playing great, and Hank keep wearing those Armani’s. LGR!

– Silky Mitts


Color Blind Facebook Employee Compiled a Map of What Stanley Cup Playoff Team You’re Rooting For


So this is the map Facebook made and I have to say its pretty fucking dumb. Most of them make sense, Florida roots for Lightning, Texas for Stars, but there are too many that jump out as ludicrous. Nevada rooting for Chicago? Is that real? ALL THREE TEAMS from California are in the playoffs and you wanna tell me that most people from Nevada root for Chi town? Fuck outta here facebook. I may be dumb, i may stupid, but, um. It just makes no sense, okay. Like most things in this world only thing I can think about is that it has to do with gambling. But that state under nevada too? What ever the fuck its called is rooting for the Blackhawks? That’s chucklesome .But of all the states the most absurd are Louisiana, Alabama and Gerogia. They’re all rooting for the Detroit Red Wings? The fuck? I looked up the wings roaster to make sure no one is from down south and the closest person to the south is some dude from New Jersey. Louisiana is closer to the Stars and the Lightning. Maybe you see this and it relates to you but if you’re from N’Orleans rooting for the Red Wings you’re an asshole, plain and simple.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. I binged* a map of usa cause i’m an idiot and the VERY FIRST map on bing for “map of usa” is this…


*I typed in my toolbar “map of usa” instead of google cause I just cleared my whole cache and didn’t feel like typing in the whole google.com name. Yes i do realize i just typed it in.

Rangers vs. Flyers Pump Up Video

Broadway vs. Broad Street baby! This video was made by some dude named metrangerfan711 but he did a great job. What a first round match up though. These teams have such a history, it’s gonna be a god damn blood bath to win this series. Rangers vs Flyers, Good guys vs scum bag flyers, Broadways best vs the cunts. Physically can’t wait for this series to start. Seriously my laptops on my lap as I type this and I can’t use half the keys cause I shot my excitement all over the keyboard. Being a Rangers fan I don’t want to come off as bias so my honest to god series prediction is Rangers in 4 and Lundqvist gets a shut out in every single game. And I’m a firm believer in jinxes, so you know it has to be true otherwise I wouldn’t say it.

I know what you’re thinking, “Silky Mitts, how can you be so confident that the King will post a shutout in 4 straight games?”


Next Question.

“But they have a gritty team with Simmonds and Hartnell. How do you expect to contain them?

Answer: Cause Simmonds sucks and Hartnell looks like robin williams in Jumanji when he came back from the jungle

Hartnell vs. Williams

Boom roasted next.

“I’ve got no more questions, that was perfect”

– Silky Mitts

ESPN Bringing Back Their NHL Theme Song For The Frozen Four!!


Let’s fuckin gooo!! Erections! Erections everywhere!! Seriously this is one of if not the best sports theme song of all time. Actually, it definitely is. Couple others come close* but this one is unparallelled to the rest. I could probably run through a brick wall right now listening to this orgasmic master piece. Makes me think about the days of Hull, Yzerman, Sakic and all the other stars from the 90’s. Biggest mistake ESPN every made was not renewing their deal with the NHL. Hockey night on ESPN was great. NBCSports does a great job now, but if you prefer Mike “Doc” Emerick over Bill Clement you’re an asshole. Just a big, stretched out, leaky, asshole. Not to mention a young Erin Andrews started there.

So yeah ESPN resurrecting the greatest sports theme song is pretty cool. In case you’re only semi chub right now for whatever reason here are some Datsyuk highlights that would make the Jeffery Dahmer rapings look consensual. Hearing Clements call on that first goal was nostalgic as fuck.

– Silky Mitts



*they don’t.

Stamkos Will Not Play In Sochi

“I know, in the best interest of my long term health, I cannot represent Canada in Sochi, as much as I would like to.”

Damn shame. As much as this is awesome cause it just makes USA’s chances that much better of winning, it’s always a shame when someone this talented has to be sidelined. But now the question on everyone’s minds, who’s gonna replace him? Some people are saying Neal, some are saying Giroux, but those same people probably have an IQ a couple points above an unplugged toasted oven.  Neal’s very good but if he plays for Florida or Buffalo no one knows he exists. Giroux has been decent the past couple years but fact of the matter is he sucks this year and Canada doesn’t need another center. They have enough.

The obvious answer? Stamkos teammate Martin St. Louis. Man has been absolutely LIGHTING IT UP this year and guess who he plays with? Bunch of fuckin rookies. Rookie Tyler Johnson is 2nd in points amoungst rookies this year but that is 95% because he’s been getting borderline erotic silky sauces from MSL all year. Tampa’s gonna be a real fuckin scary team to play after the olympics with Stammer back and 100%. Real scary.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. One man who has been reeeeeeal overlooked…Joe Thorton. 10th in the league in points and tied for 1st in assists. Not saying he should get the nod over MSL but having the most assists in the show right now is not something to forget.

Original Link: NHL


Thomas Vanek Traded To Icelanders For Matty Moulson and 2 Draft Picks.

A great man once said one man’s pleasure is another man’s pain. Actually, sounds like something a rape victim would say. Anyway, that’s the exact case right here. Vanek gets to leave the worst team in the league and go to New York. Scary to think about him and JT91 playing on the same line together. Vanek is always a high point leader and he plays on the Sabres, so I think it goes without saying that he’ll thrive with a team like the Islanders. How about Matty Moulson though? You’re on a young, talented team who are finally being considered ‘good’ for the first time in about 90 years and then you get sent to Buffalo. Fucking, Buffalo. There’s nothing to do up there, I don’t think they have any electricity yet and the hottest it gets in the summer is like -140. Sick. If I were him when I was getting the call and my iPhone said from Buffalo I just wouldn’t answer. Kind of like when your boss calls you to come into work earlier so you just silence your phone. Exactly what he should have done. Moulsons real good but make no mistake he will not do nearly as good on the sabres. He had weapons like JT91, Okposo, and, um, other people.

Don’t necessarily think this was the greatest decision by Snow though. Islanders desperately need a solid tendy AND Vanek is a free agent after this year. They could have kept Moulson and then signed Vanek after the year. Guess Snow doesn’t want to wait. Don’t blame him. When I play NHL13 I trade players like crazy. Why? Because I can. If I were a GM in real life I would 1) make trades constantly and 2) be the worst GM in the history of sports.

– Silky Mitts

%d bloggers like this: