How About This Bitch Who Filmed Some Guy In Philly Trying To Get His Mid Day Fap Sesh On A Bus?

(Face of a man seconds after being caught jerkin it/seconds before he chokes a bitch)

(HuffPo) – Police in Philadelphia are waiting for a warrant to be approved after a man was filmed allegedly masturbating on a SEPTA bus. A Temple University Ph.D. student filmed the incident on her phone Friday, according to NBC Philadelphia. The student, who spoke with the station but did not want to be identified, said she was riding the Route 23 bus to class when she noticed a man next to her exposing himself.

It’s a timeless story, really. Man scratches his balls on the bus, scratches for a little too long, immediately starts fapping. I mean it’s incredibly disgusting that he did this shit on a bus in the middle of the day but don’t you think for one second that I’m not on his side. Not saying I would do it, but the reason I’m on his side is cause of the balls on this whore who decided to film him. Stop being such a righteous bitch and just get off the bus. Let my man do his thing. You can’t film him and then asked to not be identified. If you’re gonna put him in the public spotlight than you should be too. And how about these quotes…

Man – “Are you serious right now,” he asks. “I’m standing here the whole time. Why wouldn’t you just say something?”

Bitch – “Does someone need to tell you not to touch yourself in public on a bus,” the woman replies.

uhhhh yes toots. Of course someone needed to tell him not to touch himself. Why the fuck do you think he touched himself. Love how he just says “why wouldn’t you say something?” like he was hoping this complete stranger would have his back. Give him a little nudge. Be like “yo, dude, I’m not positive, but you probably shouldn’t start trying to rip the skin off your dick on a public bus in the middle of the day. Kinda a bad look”

– Silky Mitts

p.s. infinity percent chance the philly bus fapper is his guy

Seton Hall University Basketball Coach To Start Season Off By Facing Kobayashi In A Hot Dog Eating Contest.



Fucking Seton Hall. You have terrible year, after terrible year, and then you go and do something stupid like this…and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELVES!  Seriously this is one of the greatest ideas I’ve ever heard since someone told me to put a chicken sandwich in between a McDouble (heart-stoppingly orgasmic. try now, thank later). I am in debt to that place, oh, I don’t know, bout $200,000 after spending four years of way too many fap sessions and writing useless papers about 18th century african american womens literature and I couldn’t be happier to see where my money is going. That school milked my family for everything we’re worth without ever giving anything back except a massive pile of debt, but to find out that our head coach is going to face the all time greatest hot dog eater, and everyones idol Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest, is so tits. Nothing and I mean NOTHING would pump my nads and get me excited for college basketball more than seeing that japanese hot dog vacuum suck down watered hot dogs. I wonder how much it cost to get the sensation there. SHU was such tight butthole with their money. Over charged the food, shut the library lights off at like 5 o clock during the week. For a catholic university they were the most jewish school I knew. But now I know why they were saving all that money this whole time.

Every team in the Big East is probably reviewing tapes of the new teams that are coming into the division, thinking that will help them win. haha. Fat chance. You keep wasting time trying to figure out Butler and Xavier’s defense, we’ll watch a grown man eat 50 hot dogs in 5 minutes. After this I seriously don’t think Seton Hall will lose a game all year, if ever. SHU!

– SIlky Mitts

Original Link: USA Today

The Fact That China Hasn’t Taken Over Our Country Yet Blows My Mind

When I was in high school I had to walk down my street and I was at school. Took about 5-8 minutes. And I hated it. Felt like a decathlon. And I was in high school. These chinese kids are in elementary school and not only do they walk great lengths to get to school, they have to go through an obstacle course. Balancing on wet, mossy rocks. Climbing up completely vertical ladders with an 80-90 % chance of falling off. I mean look at that shot at the 10 second mark in the video. That’s the path that these 10 year olds have to take EVERY DAY? Uh sorry, I would take not knowing my times tables over attending this school and increasing my risk of instant death any day. Hey mommy look i’m climbing up this broken ladder to get to school take a picutreeeee I’M DEAD! I get nervous when I climb up step ladders to fix a light bulb, these kids must have absolute ice in the veins.

It’s shit from China like this that seriously makes me wonder why China has not taken over America yet. They have over a billion more people than us and they start training kids for the military in elementary school. And yes, I know that’s why these kids take this path to school. You want to tell me that out of every way possible these kids can take to school, the one with a 95% death rate is the easiest? Out of my face, China. We’re not stupid over here, we can read between the lines. You’re training them at a young age to take over the world. You know it, I know it, everyone and their grandparents knows it. Don’t necessarily hate the approach, just don’t make a news story that this is the only path they can take when you’re clearly in phase 1 of world domination.

– Silky Mitts


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N.Y. High School Apologizes For Making Children Think Like Nazi’s And Write A Paper On Why Jews Are Evil.

In the day and age we live in it is absolutely insane how teachers continue to do dumb shit. How do they not know that they are constantly on thin ice nowadays? People are so incredibly soft now that almost anything will get a teacher fired. If you yell too loudly at a student, you’re getting fired. If you don’t give a student an automatic A++, better believe their mother will complain until you are fired. If you make students pretend they’re hitler, praise nazi Germany, and make them explain why Jews are evil, you’re gonna get fired. Just a ridiculous world we live in. So soft.

I keep thinking about the teacher creating a lesson plan and the idea of putting yourself in hitler’s shoes and discussing Jews popped in their head and they immediately thought, “genius!” How stupid can you be? Hitler is one of, if not THE most hated figures in the history of the world. Dude was sort of a major asshole to jews.

Really can’t believe this teacher thought this would be a good idea. There are 3 main things that all teachers need to do to keep their job. Don’t show up drunk, don’t bang one of your students (unless they’re hot) and don’t mention why Jews are so evil. Teaching 101.

– Silky Mitts


Original Link: CNN

Middle School Denies Food To Children Who Don’t Have Money.

Middle School Denies Food To Children Who Don't Have Money.

Boo hoo they didn’t get any lunch. Grow Up. I don’t see how this is news. Kids don’t have money, kids don’t eat. Basic stuff, really. You have any idea how many times I couldn’t eat at lunch because I had no money? I mean my parents gave me money for lunch, I just spent it on comic books and POGS instead but that’s besides the point.

Look, the point is that if these kids get free lunches when they have no money they’re going to grow up thinking everything is going to be handed to them. When they’re older they’re going to assume that they don’t need money when deli owners ask them to pay for their subs, or hookers ask them to pay for their 15-20 seconds worth of work. Shit gets real, real fast. Kids need to learn that.

– Silky Mitts

Bro Suspended 4 Days For Writing “YOLO” on Standarized Test. Faith In Humanity Restored.

I don’t think any term/word/phrase has annoyed me more than “yolo” has. Just a bunch of assholes doing arrogant annoying asshole things because they think if you yell YOLO! you’re given the green light to be a total douche bag. Couldn’t be happier that this kid got a 4 day suspension for pulling this bush league stunt.

If I was the teacher I would have found out where the kid lives and fuck his mom and as I’m climaxing I’d yell YOLO! while he pretends not to hear us in the other room.

The only thing more annoying than saying yolo and then doing something that could potentially kill you, is yelling yolo and then doing something as pussy as not taking a quiz for school. If you’re really going to act like you only live once than do something Jason Statham would do in Crank, not something that Michael Cera would do in any movie ever.

– Silky Mitts

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