How About This Bitch Who Filmed Some Guy In Philly Trying To Get His Mid Day Fap Sesh On A Bus?

(Face of a man seconds after being caught jerkin it/seconds before he chokes a bitch)

(HuffPo) – Police in Philadelphia are waiting for a warrant to be approved after a man was filmed allegedly masturbating on a SEPTA bus. A Temple University Ph.D. student filmed the incident on her phone Friday, according to NBC Philadelphia. The student, who spoke with the station but did not want to be identified, said she was riding the Route 23 bus to class when she noticed a man next to her exposing himself.

It’s a timeless story, really. Man scratches his balls on the bus, scratches for a little too long, immediately starts fapping. I mean it’s incredibly disgusting that he did this shit on a bus in the middle of the day but don’t you think for one second that I’m not on his side. Not saying I would do it, but the reason I’m on his side is cause of the balls on this whore who decided to film him. Stop being such a righteous bitch and just get off the bus. Let my man do his thing. You can’t film him and then asked to not be identified. If you’re gonna put him in the public spotlight than you should be too. And how about these quotes…

Man – “Are you serious right now,” he asks. “I’m standing here the whole time. Why wouldn’t you just say something?”

Bitch – “Does someone need to tell you not to touch yourself in public on a bus,” the woman replies.

uhhhh yes toots. Of course someone needed to tell him not to touch himself. Why the fuck do you think he touched himself. Love how he just says “why wouldn’t you say something?” like he was hoping this complete stranger would have his back. Give him a little nudge. Be like “yo, dude, I’m not positive, but you probably shouldn’t start trying to rip the skin off your dick on a public bus in the middle of the day. Kinda a bad look”

– Silky Mitts

p.s. infinity percent chance the philly bus fapper is his guy

Doesn’t Matter If You’re A Male, Female, Straight or Gay. The New Red Band Trailer With Jennifer Aniston Is A Must See.

Went from 6 to midnight in record time with this one. You know she”s 44 years old? Don’t even know how that’s possible.

(skip to 1:58 if you’re lazy. Like me.)

– Silky Mitts

Maxim Puts Manti Te’o’s Fake Girlfriend In Hottest 100 List.

Really Maxim? Trying to be topical much? This is the dumbest thing I’ve seen since Mind of Mencia. What editor saw this and gave it the green light? Gotta be a blind monkey with downs right? Only explanation to wasting a spot on Maxim’s top 100 with a floating bikini. And they made her #69 too. Get it! Like, the sex move?! That’s genius! Jesus christ, Maxim. Put your bat down and stop abusing that horse that’s been decaying for quite some time now. We get it. Te’o didn’t have a girfriend. It was funny the first 138,749,756,174,357,287,465 times we heard a fake GF joke. But honestly, if you make a derpy Te’o joke right now best believe I’m gonna roll my eyes so hard I’ll be able to see my cranium. Not to mention putting a fake woman at #69 means you’re implying there are 31 women who are uglier than an invisible woman. A stat like that will obliterate any woman’s self esteem.

So great joke Maxim, glad to know you think #70 Nina Agdal…

was ranked uglier than this…

– Silky Mitts


Maxim Top 100 List

p.s. Miley Cyrus at #1? Is this list a joke and it’s just going over my head? Was the list made by The Onion? Is it April 1st? I seriously don’t understand this at all. My head hurts. I’m going to bed.

No Big Deal Just A Family That Was Never Taught To Walk On 2 Legs.

Bizarro city, population this family. I mean is that even comfortable? What the hell do you get out of walking on all fours? Bro, you look like a monkey. We’re homo erectus now, you can walk upright. Act like it. And it’s not like they’re crawling, cause their knees never touch the floor. Just their hands and feet scrapping dirt and rocks and shit all day. I don’t get it. You’re gonna cut up your hands, get them dirty, calluses destroying your entire hand like you read about. Call me crazy but I don’t see any positives coming out of this. Walk like a monkey for so long your backs gonna morph and you won’t be able to stand up straight at all. Forget about ever having pleasurable sex ever again. The only purpose for sex for you will be strictly to procreate and everyone knows that’s the only downside of fucking. That and trying to slink out of her apartment in the middle of the night without her noticing. Point is, this may be the stupidest thing you could do for no reason. They get no benefit, we get no benefit, everyone loses. No one cares you’re trying to be different cause you look like idiots. Not trying to be mean, just laying down the facts.

– Silky Mitts


Original Link: Slate

Emma Watson On Stripper Pole GIF Will Make Your Life Suck A Little Less.

I probably would murder the 7 closest people to me to trade lives with that pole for .5 seconds. Wait, on second thought, I definitely would.

Dudes From University Of Iceland Create App To Prevent Incest. Finally!

About time! You have any idea how many times I’ve met a girl at a bar and after wooing her for hours I find out we have the same cousin? Or how many times I’m in the middle of having sex and we realize we have the same mother? Shit gets annoying after a while. Thank god these bros developed an app for all this accidental incest that’s going around.

But seriously, the best part about this whole story? The fact that these guys not only had to have experienced incest once before, but they must have experienced it so many times that it got so frustrating they had to make an app. They probably fucked their cousin one time and thought, gee that sucked, I’ll have to be more careful. Then the next night they go out and fuck their 2nd cousin. I can understand how frustrating that may be. If I was in their shoes I would have created a remedy to my family fucking problems as well.

The way the app works is you touch your phone to the other persons phone and it alerts you if you share the same family members. How suspenseful must that moment be when you’re about to touch phones with a girl you’ve been flirting with for the past hour or so? So much going through your head. Time slows down, heart speeds up. If it doesn’t go off you get to take her home, if it goes off you realize that you want to fuck your cousin. Real dilemma. Wanting to sleep with a girl only to have your phone say you’re related has to be top 3 worst feelings in the world next to realizing you have to shit immediately after a shower and having no milk left after you already poured the cereal. Shit will ruin your day.

– Silky Mitts


Original Link: MSNBC

Emma Watson Just Murdering the Sex Game

Sex. Game. Murdered.

There’s dominating life and then there’s dominating life. Hermione FTW

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