NHL Ref Tim Peel Calls Out Diving Fanatic James Neal on Embellishment

This was so awesome to see. Everyone knows that hockey refs are better than refs in any other sport because of the player-ref relationship. In football the refs throw a flag if you fart to close to the QB. In the NBA you get T’d up if you stand too close to the refs. In soccer? Well in soccer refs get fucking beheaded if they make a bad call. Safe to say that relationship is a bit rocky. In hockey though, the ref will tell you to fuck yourself and get in the fucking box. You can yell back at him and he’ll just tell you to shut the fuck up, it’s great.

Now, James Neal is a fuck stain. Has been diving since before I was sucking on your mothers teet. He was a rat on the Penguins and it seems as if Crosby taught him the ropes of diving, crying and receiving anal. So good on Tim Peel to not let some divers dictate the game. Anytime anyone gets hit in the chest they throw their heads back in the air like they just got a bullet in the head, JFK style.

The Bruins scored about 8 seconds into the power play by the way. (But still lost the game. win-win-win)

– Silky Mitts

Chicago’s Turn to Unveil Their Stadium Series Jerseys….

Yesterday the Detroit Red Wings unveiled their winter classic, stadium series, whatever the fuck they’re calling their game, jerseys. I thought they were pretty cool. Saw a lot of mixed reviews but would say 60/40 didn’t like them. Those twitter eggs just like to critique everything for the sake of being a cynical asshole. They were simple with a new-agey logo of just the letter D, which is pretty retro in itself. Whatever, These Mitts are tired of talking about the Red Wings sweaters.

The Blackhawks usually always have phenomenal jerseys. Their regular ones are probably the nicest jerseys in sports and their past winter classic sweaters have been nice. There’s no point in writing a whole blog about how disgusting a jersey is, so let’s see how they top themselves this year…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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UMMMMM WHAT?!?!?!?!

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Those are the most disgusting jerseys I’ve ever seen! They deserve their own blog to be written about them they’re so terrible. They look like jerseys you get at roller tourneys for free. Like they should have an advertisement from the local pizzeria on the bottom or youjizz.com or something. It’s like it’s boring and complicated at the same time. Sort of like literal vomit.

I feel like I would see some shit rapper wear this on stage because he got it at Lids on the low low. The fronts just basic but they make it shiny and they have the stripes being interrupted by their other logo, AND THAT COLLAR?!?!?! Can we talk about the collar? Looks like some fuckstick made half and said fuck it I’m going home. I’ve never been so irrationally angry at something that doesn’t concern me.

Overall score: 1.8/10

– Silky Mitts

Red Wings Unveil New Stadium Series Sweaters

Nothing gets Silky Mitts dick harder than new hockey teams revealing their sweaters. Doesn’t take much to get me solid, but in order of things that give me a boner it would be new hockey jerseys, good whiskey and Lundqvist. Oh, and whores. Whores get me going too. But I digress, let’s see what they look like…

 

 

 

 

Red Wimgs Sweater

Silky smooth! Love um! Kind of has that old school feel but the D logo on the front looks slick and fresh. Hope Datsyuk stays healthy cause I need to see him in this bad boy. Red Wings will be wearing these on February 27th against the Colorado Avalanche in Colorado for the Stadium Series match.

Not to nit pick but don’t really like the “Red Wings” on the collar, but everything else makes me dizzy from the blood rushing from my head to my penis so, not bad.

Overall: 8.2/10

– Silky Mitts

What do you think? Feel free to let me know in the comments so I can tell you why you’re wrong if you disagree with me.

NHL All-Star Game Changed to 3-on-3 Format. Here are Silky Mitts Best Team Lineup Combinations

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*Picture taken from NHL Hitz, one of the greatest games of all time*

So the NHL announced that this all star game will be a 3-on-3 mini playoff. Atlantic plays Metro for 20 minutes then Pacific plays Central. Winner of each game play each other for the championship. Pretty cool idea that will be fun for the fans. I have a feeling at least one goalie is going to get injured from facing so many repetitive odd man rushes, but whatever lines Bettmans pocket he’s gonna do.

Many line combinations are possible, and many people have their own opinion. But that’s just what it is, their opinion. Silky Mitts doesn’t give opinions he spits straight facts. Part of being the best. So instead of waiting I’ll tell you the best possible 3 on 3 (+ a goalie) scenario for each division.

Atlantic 

The 3: Stamkos (TBL), Eichel (BUF), Subban (MTL).

Goalie: Carey Price

V8Xgynoz

Notes: I know what you’re already going to say. Eichel’s good but he’s so young has so much to prove still yada yada yadda well that’s why my mitts are made of 100% pure columbian silk and yours are made of cement. Anyone with eyes can see that Eichel is one of the most entertaining players in the entire NHL right now and he’s been playing for the god damn Sabres. 99% of his goals are highlight reel goals, so putting him in 3 on 3 with Stammer and Subban is a no brainer. There are other options, sure, but they’re wrong.

Just Missed: Larkin (DET), Krejci (BOS), Silky Mitts (Free Agent)

Metropolitan

The 3: Ovechkin (WAS), Tavares (NYI), Yandle (NYR)

Goalie: Henrik Lundqvist (NYR)11195_content_Gotham-Magazine-Henrik-Lundqvist-3 *If you thought you were gonna get a hockey blog from Silky Mitts without seeing at least one Lundqvist picture you’re out of your mind*

Notes: Pretty solid team right here. I could have left all 3 players out and just put Hank in and I think at the very least the Metro win the tourney by about 3-4 goals. But honestly Ovie and Tavares together makes my computer shoot up cause I’m typing on my lap. Truthfully I don’t like Ovie and think he’s lazy but he’s such a pure goal scorer it’d be a sham to not have him in. Yandle is the perfect 3-on-3 defensemen (along with Subban and Karlsson) so his addition would make for some real excitement.

Just Missed: Zuccarello (NYR), Malkin (PIT), Cammalleri (NJD)

Central

The 3: Benn (DAL), Kane (CHI) Seguin (DAL)

Goalie: Pekka Rinne (NSH)

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*That’s Rinne btw. No shot anyone (including myself) would know who that was if you ran into him on the street but he’s holding a puppy in this picture so fuck you I’m using it*

This is probably the most difficult one. Central is sort of stacked. Sequin and Benn as of right now have already combined for 53 points. FIFTY-THREE FUCKING POINTS! Between two fucking people. And it’s only November fucking 19th. That’s the shit that makes me want to down a bottle of nyquil and see if I can JO before I fall asleep. It’s that insane. Kane is also a no brainer leading the league in points, goals and assists (I guess those rape allegations really got to um, uh?) There’s obviously others that are very deserving, but once again I don’t believe they’re as deserving as these 3. And if you read the top of the blog post you’d see I’m never wrong.

Also, anyone that thinks Reto Berra deserves the spot over Rinne probably has to type on a keyboard  with one finger at a time.

Just Missed: Klingberg (DAL), Panarin (CHI), Taresenko (STL)

Pacific

The 3: Toffoli (LAK), Gaudreau (CAL), Burns (SJS)

Goalie: Quick (LAK)

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Notes: Gaudreau is another one of those players that’s electric to watch. And he’s still so young, lotta talent. Burns is another great defensemen for a 3-on-3 because of the beard and the offensive skill he possesses. But mostly the beard. Need it want it gotta have it. Quick’s pretty decent I guess.

Just missed: Hall (EDM), Pavelski (SJS), one of the Sedin twins, doesn’t matter which one (VAN).

– Silky Mitts

 

Have any feedback you want to dish at Sir Silky Mitts? Think you can make a better lineup? Well then you didn’t read the article cause mine was silky smooth. But comment anyways if you’d like.

Rangers’ Rick Nash Leaves Practice with Injury, Considered Day-to-Day

Rick Nash

Of course, this is bad. Anytime one of your franchise players goes down it’s bad.

Of course I would never want Nash out of the lineup.

Of course this is more negative than positive….

But maybe….

But maybeeeeee this for some reason will be exactly what Nasher needed? As of now he has 1 goal and 6 points through 12 games. 1 goal! And in case you didn’t see the goal, he got hooked on a breakaway trying to score into an empty net. Keenan Thompson from D2: Mighty Ducks could have scored that goal and he’s ….a goalie! So he managed to score without even scoring. Other than that he hasn’t put the puck in the back of the net. It’s hard for someone like him to not score even by accident. It’s an upper body injury which is never good, but considering he’s only day-to-day maybe sitting out a game or two and just sitting back and watching the game from a press box will help him out.

So maybe. Just maybeeeee a tiny little upper body injury to Mr. October No Show will do something to get his year started.

In case you didn’t get the reference…

Coincidence? I Think Not…

Top two trending on twitter…

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hmmmm

Kane SM

As you might know, Chicago Blackhawks superstar Patrick Kane has been involved in a sexual assault case that has been handled very carefully for the past couple months. Well today, the case was decided…

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NHL – Chicago Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane will not face charges for an incident at his house in Hamburg, N.Y., in August. 

Erie County District Attorney Frank A. Sedita III said in a statement Thursday: “The totality of the credible evidence — the proof — does not sufficiently substantiate the complainant’s allegation that she was raped by Patrick Kane and this so-called ‘case’ is rife with reasonable doubt. Accordingly the Office of the Erie County District Attorney will not present this matter to an Erie County Grand Jury.”

So while I’m not saying the two twitter trends of “Patrick Kane” and “#TheSuperHeroWeActuallyNeed” are related I’m also saying they aren’t not related. No doubt this is huge for Blackhawks and Chicago fans as they will not be missing their 3-time Stanley Cup Champion for any games this year, baring injury.

Interesting to see how the rest of the leagues fans handle this when Hawks come to town, considering…

Rangers Look To Take 2 In Pitt Tonight

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After beating the Penguins 3-2 in overtime last Friday night the blueshirts look to extend their series lead to 2 tonight in Pittsburgh at 7:30. If the Rangers play exactly like they did a couple days ago they have a prettay prettaaay good chance. Lundqvist played well and the line of Brassard-Zucc-Pouliot continued to be the best on the ice. Nash continues to do his best Terry Shiavo impression while Benoit Pouliot has 4 points in his last 2 games. Such an upside down world we’re living in right now. But hey if it gets them the W I ain’t complainin. If Nash remembers how to use his motor skills I think Rangers become a real scary team right now. They looked real good against the Pens, but if Rags happen to move on to next round they’re going to need to be MUCH better. Whether they play the Habs or B’s they gotta pick up their play.

Now I know this would never happen, but AV needs to start Talbot tonight. Nothing against Lundqvist, but playing in Pittsburgh tonight and then playing in New York in less than 24 hours is too strenuous on goalies. Hanks been great, but he should watch from the bench tonight. Tell him it has nothing to do with his play, just rest for tomorrow. And I know it’s the playoffs, but guess what? Talbots been INCREDIBLE this year. I’m not just starting Talbot to rest Hank, it’s also to give us a good chance. He’s 12-6-1 with a .941 save percentage and 1.64 GAA. .941 Save Percentage!!! Not to mention a win over Chicago earlier this year where he was 20 seconds away from shutting them out. Those are absolutely remarkable numbers for a backup goalie. He also came in to relieve Hank against the Flyers and although only faced 5 shots he looked real good. I understand Hank is the go-to guy but all I’m saying is I wouldn’t hate it if Talbot started tonight.

– Silky Mitts

p.s. Best part hands down about last game was not only was Crosby held to 0 goals and 0 assists…he was a minus 3 on the night. On for every single Rangers goal. Should have given him the broadway hat that night.

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