Pineda Got Thrown Out For Putting Pine Tar On His Neck? How?

Screen Shot 2014-04-23 at 7.52.53 PM

I seriously don’t know what the ump saw here. How did he spot that little blot on his neck? Looks like waldo out there. I mean i’ve been staring at this picture for an hour now scratching my head wondering what the ump saw. I mean I understand this EXACT SAME PITCHER already was caught using pine tar on his hand and just wiped it off earlier this exact same year and the head umpires son even warned his dad tonight that he would be cheating and this game was on national television with over 100 HD cameras but seriously, how did he get caught?

In all seriousness though out of all the things in the world that people are bad at, the number one thing would be Pineda at cheating. It’s comical at this point. Like did he think he was being discrete? He would have had a better chance putting the pine tar on the umps neck and just asking for a hug after every single pitch. Maybe just bring an industrial size vat of pine tar out to the mound. I think people would be more hesitant to question you if you pulled a move like that. K a few more batters before they’re on to you. I legitimately think that would have been sneakier. Such a blatant disregard for human lifeĀ I almost respect it. Like if you’re gonna cheat, show the people you dont give a fuck. Whatever, what’s done is done. Dude should be cut from the team for just general lack of intelligence.

– Silky Mitts

Yankees Lose First Two Games of Season, Everyone Loses Their Shit. Relax, We’re the Yankees.

Yankees Lose First Two Games of Season, Everyone Needs To Relax. We're the Yankees.

So the greatest franchise in the history of forever lost their first two games of the season to the shittiest franchise in the history of sports and everyone’s freaking out. Well Silky Mitts has a message for other Yankee fans: Relax. It’s two games in a 1,345,245 game season.

People keep forgetting one thing…we’re the god damn Yankees. I don’t care if you swapped out the whole team for a local Tee Ball squad, once you put on the pin stripes something amazing happens to you. Remember when Peter Parker got bit by the spider and felt all tingly and got super powers? Yeah, that’s what it’s like when you throw on the Yankee sweater except you don’t date ugly vampires like Kirsten Dunce, you smash 12 out of 10’s like Minka Kelly and Melanie Iglesias.

I understand people may be concerned but chill out. We got Pettitte on the mound tonight and if he throws anything short of a Perfect Game I would be utterly shocked. And when that’s written by Mitts like mine that ain’t no jinx. Best believe that. NYY

– Silky Mitts

p.s. Prediction…Cano gets a solo shot in the 5th and Wells goes 3-3. Book it.

%d bloggers like this: